Mending my Scattered Brain

Overly-sensitized Music -- a therapy

2011-10-23T19:30:00.014+07:00

Over three hours bouncing my feet on the dance floor, I felt ecstatic..letting my brain to function on its trance state, my body moves* according to the rhythm. Songs are selected from various decades, 60's, the 80's disco groove, even the Backstreet boys from my stupid teenage years! Clapping and swaying hands, stumping feet, dos-a-dos, How it was fun! but suddenly a song from the turn of the century was turned on, and somehow-- in an immediate reflex, my body stops moving.

My brain flipped over from its trance-euphoric state, to its sane, and then perplexed to somewhere far...The surging feeling that I got afterward was overwhelming--I felt suddenly so... vulnerable and sensitive... The stumping feet, the banging heads, swaying hands and happy faces of my friends surrounds me left me even further back at my little corner..and the happy music in the back drifts me lower to the pit of my head, scanning over box of archives set in my skull's grey labyrinth, flashing bits of colours and voices of people, bits of bliss and pains, all together.

Have you ever felt 'struck' by one or some particular songs? I know a lot of songs are meant to take you to your 'mellowest' state, to send you adrift and depending on your experience at that particular time, you would probably say 'oh it's so me!', associating self to the lyrics sung. Or I know those song using oh-so-superlative-heavenly notion that certain types of people feel 'crap' about themselves whenever they hear these kinds of songs.

But I'm not talking about these kinds of songs. In fact, a lot of songs that struck me are happy-tone songs. And no matter how the song should effectively be designed to drift your mood up, these particular songs actually struck me to the bottom of my emotional level.

I feel like one of Ivan Pavlov's dogs in his 'conditional reflex' experiment, who drools everytime the bells' ringing (as a sign that food is coming), even if the food is not actually served. Such musics act like the same stimuli as was the bell to the dog's brain. I know also everybody acts differently to music. In the spectrum of all humankind, I think i'm positioned in the 'more sensitive' tail. Is it a sign of a 'musical' person? I dunno, but I may have an introvert cognitive sensitivity as a study indicates this trait relates to how sensitive a person is to such stimuli (see Carl Jung's highly sensitive person study). Some other people (from observations of my friends), find also such stimuli in smells (like, the smell of aftershave of one's ex), and for me, for instance, certain albums may associates to some guy from the past, an old friend, or some sceneries that I saw during some travels that I did, or the stressed feeling on last days preparing high school exam.......you might have different stimuli.

Music, I have found is the best archival system to my memory. Each chronological scenes of my life can be mapped by certain set songs that I was hearing at a particular past events or time in my life. It is a background sound that accompanies my brain in dealing with surges of ups and downs. And, like all the propensity of 'scar' at bad events is always greater to good events, those songs accompanying me in my bad times are more deeply ingrained to my memory. Don't get me wrong, I don't get depressed really often. But hey we cannot deny that shit happens, can we?

For the reason that I find that emotions that I get when I hear a song is highly influenced by the emotional state I was when I heard the song, I realize that I should be more careful in choosing musics in my playlists especially at the time of depression. A rule is set :

I cannot hear 'good music' during my down-time, for simple reason that I don't want this good songs to make me feel bad later in life. For this, I have myself a 'so-so' songs playlists.
Or, if I would like to be melancholic (and the time and circumstance allows me), I would turn on old playlists that stimulates somewhat bad memories, and would soak my heart dry with it, the faster, the more efficient it is. ( I know I'm a masochist :D--but hey, it's a good thing that a song can make you cry. It makes you Human in some sense, no? ;p). of course, it's not just about bad memories to stimulate, you can actually pick which sensation you want to feel...which scene of your life you want to 'resurrect' by the song...
On the other hand, I would also start listen to new set of playlist with my considered good musics in the 'good times'--letting the playlists to be reminiscence of my good-ol-times--that would drift me up my emotional level whenever I want later in life.

I am basically playing Ivan Pavlov and using my own brain as my own experiment. :p and probably at some level I can use my playlists for my Abraham-Hicks' way of raising my 'vibrations', emotional level and attaining the Vortex. (Don't ask me more, or ask me what a 'vortex' is. I just figure it might work..)

The system, in my case works as my preference to music changes quite often from one time to another. I explore new musics all the time. This year it's folk indie (Andrew Bird, Fleet Foxes, Beirut, Bon Iver, and sorts) last year was synth-electronics female singers (Imogen Heap, Kate Havevnik, Sia, Lykke Li and sorts), the year before fusion mexican, spanish and baltic songs (Ojos de Brujo, Manu Chao, Natalie, Natalie lafourcade, and sorts) , proceeded by lounge-groove beats (Zero 7, Air, and sorts).

Between good and 'so-so', and 'crappy' music, for me it depends more on melodies, richness of sounds, the goosebumps effect, the jiggy-with-it effect, more than its lyrics. The lyrics can be as shallow as 'skinny dipping in the sea' (c'mon people you know what song this is), but I would call it good music nevertheless, if it has rich melody, rhythm and sounds.

I particularly love musician that acts more like 'sound engineers', exploring and producing sets of 'awkwardly beautiful' melodies from everyday object or their voice. The more complex, the more awed I get, as I know how f***ing hard it is to make awesome music (yea i tried, but my talent is just not there -_-), and I appreciate greatlythose musicians that takes me to eargasm. But anyway, just to remind you, (and only for you who are not so 'numb' musically...) that music can have really some power, to drive your feeling. It's a tool you can use readily :), and this is how I use it.

Ah well, I can list you some of my favorite musics here (in my goods, and in my bads), for souvenir...

Jack johnson, jose gonzalez, jamie cullum, john mayer,john Legend, james blunt, jamiroquai, Zero 7, Morcheeba, Goldfrapp, Air, Royksopp, Cardigans, Oasis, Incognito, Detektivbyran, Fleet Foxes,Yann Tiersen, Imogen Heap, Frau Frau,MGMT,Sia, Joe Hisaishi, Psapp, Passion Pit, Lykke Li, Beirut, Elsiane, Andrew Bird, Bon Iver, Vampire Weekend, Robyn, Manuchao, Kings of Convenience,Sigur Ros, Jonsi, Natalie Lafourcade, Manu Chao, Ojos de Brujo, Parov Stelar, The whitest boy alive, Florence n the machine and of course it's not all of it...

Note:

(ok, I probably didn't 'dance', but 'move according to the rythm' would be more appropriate :p)

(to you who knows me may think i'm not introvert, but I can get crazily, inwardly melancholic!)

(ok I am not blond, but the image is so beautiful anyway)

here we roll again...

2011-10-23T19:14:00.004+07:00

I would again start by rambling about 'excuses' on me abandoning my blog for helluva loooong time. This time, it's even more than a year.

Most precisely 1 year and 8 months since the last time I posted something (!!). I figure over these time, my writing skills (especially academically) has improved (or at least I wish that it has improved somewhat), but not my creative writing skills. While so, ideas--on what to write, on what to paint, has been bombarding my head all the time, but are left stranded without proper time nor effort on boiling them, or realizing them. Shame on me. I should not let myself inundated by all (information in our knowledge society !) that makes all the excuses not to write, or paint for the sake of my own self-expression ventilation.

I believe my blog deserves...a second chance.

To get back in track and Swirl!

2010-02-19T16:10:00.004+07:00

I know. Again. It's so dull late to make following kind of writing. 2010 resolution. Pffh. *Another?* I dunno even if I ever made one last year. I don't think so. Come to think of what I hadn't made any resolution post last year...In fact all along 2009, I had only several posts....Not that I'm lazy. Not that I had nothing to say. In fact last year 2009 was full of canon balls rushing in my head. So fast I hardly have time to think over and jot it down here before another come rush in. So there was it. I was tired just thinking about it. And nothing said.

In the mid of 2009 I posted something reflectional here. As I said in the post, 2008 was for me a blissful year, a year with tonza bless, and when everything seems so smooth like how I wanted it to be. Maybe I prayed to hard for all my wishes to come true--like a stubborn, while I didn't know whether those wishes were the best for me, but I was indeed hard on myself, and persistent! and of course God has always been giving, and there it was, all my wishes came true that very year.

Like bolts of lighting it came rushing into my first half of the year. I felt so blessed. Promotion, Lovelife, Scholarship, French excelling course, Going to Europe, Studying again. It was all dreams came true.

And when they say life is like a rolling tire :"you cannot be always on the top. sometime you'll be on the bottom"...I was precautious. Noting that I had felt blessed that year, I knew that the downfall will come soon or later. And it came after staggering downwards mood along december to february 09. And the sad part of the movie comes. All that I'd wished for and came true the other year, vanished. I had no moment to cry in despair. I could not let my tears blurs my vision that I needed at the utmost that moment. My brain was running crazy to grasp whatever I can hold to in order to breathe, survive and determine how this downfall might as well a good start for upward journey.

So I did everything I could, keeping my faith high as possible, making up my mind and sign myself back into track, as early as January 09. So that was actually the only thing that I had wished for in the early 2009. Nothing Else. To get back into the right track and hoping that this time--despite all things-- I have made my mind clear enough to discern my capacity and passion in life, and not again to stumble into wrong tunnel in life. As simple as that. Nothing grandious. But to realize later, that early 2009 was helluv-an important point in my life.

So that was it. Getting back into track was all 2009 was about. A year was really long time, eh? But along the side, I learnt things that I wouldn't have learnt otherwise. I had to choose in between tracks, and sometimes bewildered of the choices. I was noting insistently, that we can have thousand wishes, but He is the one who knows your need. Due to that I learned not to expect so much of myself, and not being so stubborn and smartass, and just enjoy life and embrace what it offers to the greatest extent. I learnt to forgive myself quickly when I made mistakes and make up. I focus on the things that were important, and learned hard way that my passion is my only guiding light. Where there's passion, there's the way to pursue. Without which I'm going nowhere. I would plan, but left some spaces at every moment to swing all sides. and I swing! And everything else would fall into place. Insya Allah.

Only at the very beginning of year 2010 I felt like I am indeed already back on track, and alhamdulillah on the track--I think--I'm meant to be. I feel dearly in passion in what I'm studying and that's probably the only force I'm needing to continue move on. I freely admit that I don't know how to do things right now. What I will do next 6 months and so forth. But I'm clinging on my passion--for that's all there is. And I know that this 2010 I want to live a rich, magnificent, inspiring, motivated, productive and passionate life. How? I don't know exactly but I'm planning (I know it's February already but you'd never cease planning, would you?)

I'll explore, and swirl--As I now know, life is not like a tire but it creates this spiral motion, once your up, and once your down, that's true, but you're never in the same point and you'll move faster and faster into the abyss of the spiral--or the pinnacle of the spiral--or life objective, you name it. And your spiral is not at all the same as mine. But maybe it's as exciting, depending how you put the pen and let it roll...

Well my couch-potato days to explore and plan is immensely reduced officially today as next monday i'll be back in class--but hopefully this little bit of fire sparks the upcoming months to its fullest speed. and maybe yours too!

GodSpeed! ^^

nb : Relating to what I have written back in 2006, here, I partly got the answer of my question that indeed, play with your strength and don't put some much time bothering to make up your weaknesses!

Happy New Year 2010

2009-12-31T15:50:00.004+07:00

These belows are snapshots of my Facebook status all 2009 year-long.... It's super messy, but anyway, this place is always where my brain scattered :p

January

same ol year same ol question...● burung bercicit di pagi 2009...ciciciciccuuwiiittt... ●is praying for the canons to fall silent... ●: and the US plans massive arms delivery to Israel?!#@!#! what d F*..!#@!●: when nature calls... ●wonders whether this is optimism...or...pasrah? tipiisss yeeii :-P :-P ●baru ngeh ada plurk2an...another internet devil... ●misses beaches soo much!! ●is tryin' english pirates-translated-facebook--Confarrrrrrmmaation! ^_^ *Cute!* ●is on Plan C, and the vacation is on tomorrow!! ●is glancing on the star-canopied nite...can I bring home just one of 'em

February

enchanted by the marvellous of vienna!! fufufu *and thanks for marina n the new -super great-family!!!!! ●cabz besok...humm●is lingering in Prague....*malass cabuutt*●is now in munich...the vacation is almost over.... :( sniiifff

sets back to lausanne....and here we go again... ●is collecting souls... ●is numb. -_-●smile...and everything's gonna be alrite :D●=d●: should I cut my hair? ●smells spring already.....hummhh fufufufu

March

is in love w/ the new place...maw! ●Do you like this new lay out of FB? me, rrr...kok jadi sumpek ya●to FB: why do I have to think of what I am thinking of ? ●I feel 23 for a veeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy long time than a mere year...fyuh. a long year indead. ●THANK YOU EVERYBODIEE!!!!:D LOVE YOU ALL !!! :D ?*BIG HUGS HUGS HUGS KISS KISS KISS*....●aduhh....semua2....terharuuu biruuu dirikuuuuhh....thank youuu yaa *oh tout le monde....merci bcoup bcoup...je vous embrasse tout tout!* ●is gleefully playing w/ the new flexaret.... :p●so....are you happy? :) ●It was a great surprise....Thank you all guys....!! :D aahh...heppii●is already feeling lonely in the new place....no matter how beautiful it is.. maah..

April

wants to sip the nectar of life... humm●crossroads ahead... >_< .... ●is getting immersed in the limelight de l'avenir....mwaaahh!! :D●I loooouuurrrveeee sprrriinnnngg!!! :D●...is in serene happiness.... :) ●.....memantapkan hati.... >_<●collecting souls....again. ●enlightening myself.... :D●....hening... :-| ●...tsk.

May

what do you want to do when you're 60 ? ●happy saturated-day!! ^_^●happy sunny-day!! ^^V●c-mon working day!!

Never settle. Never. ●Alhamdulillah.... ^_^●...finger crossed.... >_<●....tanda tanya [?] menghadirkan lebih banyak kebijaksanaan.... ●great pique-nique, great nap by the lake..., great chocolate viennois....avec les meilleurs amis trop trop jolie....aah..Un jour Parfait parfait *pas forcement, mais OUI!*... :D●just made herself the best fish she'd ever cooked. kekekke●wonders when she`ll be able to pay them back... ;^( ●...................................(isiin doong...) ●failed attempt. -_- khe khe●mood swings......v i o l e n t l y. >_<●aaa..hari ini tidak thunderstorm lagi kek kemaren?? lalala...*keluar ahh*

sunny outside....cramped inside. mah.>_<

June

Roma Kek Dawet!! ●to what extent do we self-construct and self-invent ? ●got herself inspired by the new idol.... maaahhh *blink blink*●wanting to leap out of the grey. soon. -__-●♥♥♥♥♥Life is a beautiful thing. Pack a bag, make a playlist. Watch the world. Don't speak. Just listen - In a Silent Way, Miles Davis ●I am(sterdam) ●today, it's one year in Europe! ^_^●h.a.r.e.u.d.a.n.g !! summer's officially coming!

July

"There is no passion to be found playing small in settling for a life that is less than the one are capable of living." - Opa Nelson Mandela●You see, I want a lot / Perhaps I want everything : / the darkness that comes with every infinite fall and the shivering blaze of every step up - R A I N E R M A R I A R I L K E●Mbok ya akang Jacko didenger :" `There are people dying If you care enough for the living make a better place for you and for me....`.....uhuhuhu kenapa si orang2 ini maen2 bom2an!!!!!@#!@$!@!! ●katanya ada tsunami lagi...-_- smoga tidak terjadi yaa... ●"We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future" G E O R G E B E R N A R D S H A W

August

sebel ama si oporrrrtuuuunnniiiiissss oppppoooorrrrtuuuunniiiissssss iiiittttuuu!!!!!! *mending opor ayam, pake ketupat. ya gak?* ●feels like painting.... ●temans2kiiii ●isn't it too late to be pessimistic?! AYO INDONESIA! BERSATU KITA BISA!! LANJUTKAAAN!!! ●Met sahurr pertamaa!! :D *maapin eyk ya temans2....slamat berpuasa bagi yang menjalankaan*...●if we need to go quickly, go alone. If we need to go far, go together. we need to go far, quickly. ●Am I truly grateful for each breath that I take, For each and every moment that I am awake? ●pernak.pernik

September

sudah di BALI !!!! :D●feels truly blessed. :D●hopes that simplifying is that simple.... :p●The Boat that Rocked really is the ultimate feel good movie....crying of happiness I was, watching it! kekekekeke●Minal Aidin Wal Faidzin....lebaran pada dimana niihh?? :) ●on social networks --'It's not what you know [that counts] - it's who you know!' (Putnam) :p●Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones that you did do. Explore. Dream. Discover -- M a r k T w a i n

October

“After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.” -- S o p h i a L o r e n●sugar on asphalt *_*●Faith is a process of leaping into the abyss not on the basis of any certainty about "where" we shall land, but rather on the belief that we "shall" land.-- Carter Heyward●It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power (ALAN COHEN)

November

trying to calm the winds that bring waves and storms into the mind... ●the history of humanity : 99% paleolithicum 0.99% neolithicum 0.01% Tololithicum●Tralalalala One Finished. NEXT! ●Since when being happy is not a free-will ? ●Geneva is in rage!!! (wOot)

December

..I AM H.A.P.P.Y :D, SIMPLEMENT . ●wanting +2 weeks!! ●Mystère sur facebook : Appuyez sur : Haut, Haut, Bas, Bas, Gauche, Droite, Gauche, Droite, b , a , Enter , Click : Des cercles apparaissent. Si ça marche, copiez et collez ceci dans votre Statut !!! Et ça marche!!!!!!!!!!! (click on up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, Enter, Click--and see the flares!!! try it) ---- I'm so bored I need this kind of idle time :p●Another week to goooo !!! courage ! ●tsk. again?!! ●todaay i'm on my waayy....:p●@ Banská Štiavnica :D●would this year's solution be another re-solution ? :p

Terbitkan Entri....

This last one and a half year has been truly a roller coaster ride, where I was once up, stumbling down, trying to inspire self, and brought myself up again for the next thrill...These above are my states of mind, captured in Facebook for the whole 2009....Of course, in facebook, unlike in financial information, positive sides are more amplified than negatives one, but anyway, this is quite some souvenir I can keep all year forward... :p without regret, to live life to the fullest, like I've been, and to further sip its nectar.

L I F E is simply .... B E A U T I F U L ! ! ! :)

Let's embrace 2010 with more Hope, Faith, and Love

Prague, 31 dec 2009

A glimpse on 2 weeks student's diet :p

2009-12-16T03:51:00.011+07:00

One of my friend got really curious on what I consume each day...so...well, why not ? I don't bother capturing pictures of what I eat... So...These 7 dishes are exactly what I've been eating this last 2 and a half weeks. Each dish can last for 2 days..., in between which, for breakfast I'd consume cereal + yoghourt (and fruit, if I'm not lazy...:p)..., and on other occasion, when it's super cold outside when i'm frozen and lazy...instant noodle is the best (though it's strictly some 1 time a week quota)... ;)

e...voila.

1. Capcay !! Brocolli + Carrots + Scrambled Egg + Chicken sausages shimmered w/ some soy sauce (Kecap ABC!)**

2. Spinach Quiche (+ spagheti inside), this is the best quiche in the world! spinach quiche. no other quiche beats it. and it's easy to make...yumm...**

3. Chicken with Tom Yum Cheese sauced spaghetti (You'd never know oriental tom yum paste would perfectly marry occidental cheese, no? ^^ thanks to my love who made it.. fufu).......rr...the taste? nyumm... it's surprisingly yummy :p ***

4. Eggplant + Chicken with Green Thai Curry Paste (tastes a lot like opor, if you wish)... **

5. Tomato chili (+ Red Bean and Mushroom) spaghetti *

6. Brocolli + Cheese with Rice *

7. Salmon fish + Fenouille + cheese + butter + paprica+tomato + mushroom put in 180 degree oven for...45 minutes(?)--- I dunno what recipe this is, I was just craving on fenouille and salmon and put it all together....to assure you, it's suppperrr delicious*** .

Note :

* Lazy mode dish, not requiring brain nor time....and resources are always relatively available (I always stocks spaghetti, mushroom, redbean, tomatos...cheese! ^^)

** Frequent dish, not requiring brain but requires some resources, and time

***Supper Yummy, and I'd say, original (made for the first time in this last 2 weeks...)

And...in fact I don't have any kitchen, I just have one portable stove installed above a carton box filled with books--and one (also) portable fridge. But for me, I am what I eat. whahahaha, so whatever the condition, I cannot compromise on this one--and I lurrve cooking, anyway!!

Here you go, ma friend, hope now you're satisfied :p .....I wont be making archive of what I eat like this no more I think, I'd just invite you for dinner. ^^

At the moment :

BOOK | Nick Hornby (How to be Good) & Yasmin Khadra (ce que le jour doit a la nuit --Algerian Roman) :: MOVIE Not seeing much recently but : Into the Wild, Rita Vogt, District 9 | MUSIC | Brasilian Musics, Ojos de Brujo, St. Germain Lounge Tunes, Les Negresses Vertes, Tembang 90-an (KLA Project n friends, hohoho) I desperately need music upgrade

Idling Me in Creative Mode ...

2009-09-04T03:20:00.006+07:00

August 2009...

While for months I'm in transition mode, paving my foot for what I'm looking up in life, short and long term....this August, I kind of stray frommy worries a bit and just do what I like to do, without no regard of what I'll do in long term basis. Well actually the first half of the month I'd been dwelling with some administration thingies, and the other half, i'd been doing an old hobby :p (well it had never have a chance becoming a hobby either---despite my drawing hobby since I was a child, but I used to like it when I did it, 11 years ago!).....It's.......painting!!! I'm SOOO CRAVING OF PAINTING!!!*It's like pregnant woman with the crave--sorta like I guess :p*

I have only some 5 days left until I move to Prague (I'm in Frankfurt by the way)..., I thought of dropping the idea but I want it badly and I don't know when I'll be able to do it again if not now. So I head to IDEE store in frankfurt (which I should note here, is superb with its 3 storey store full of ooh-aah appareils for artists--stickers, emblems, painting materials, artsy wallpaper you name what you want to make, they have everything that you need!) I used to play with oil paint years ago although I remembered it was smelly (d-Uh, of course, like tarpentine)..., dirty, takes REALLY some time to dry....and after all consideration, I picked acryllic paints instead of oil paints after also getting flash tutor by the store-lady. I bought it along with palette, brushes and paint knife *weee this is the first time I play with paint knife* ....

The good thing about acrylic paint are that : it dries fast --means you also have to paint fast, though; and it only requires water and soap to clean the brush--hence, not smelly, and clean; and voila, I got home, set my 50 cm x 50 cm canvas by the window to get enough available light, and start sketching. Painting, is really a mean of self-expression. I was not having in mind about how it's going to end when I started. Every dashes, and especially every colour that I picked was just ...Just Because. (Of what? I dunno...>_< )I just did it!

....sketching and the whole painting process took 3 days--which is quite tiring, but I am trying to finish fast.....and in the end, I'm quite surprised of what I see of my own painting.... :

Which, for me, is some reflection of myself at that very moment. Laying back--maybe in beautiful prairie of flowers, but still, restless. Well, in fact also some of my friends interpret the same, I dunno if you can see likewise or not....well, nonetheless, VOILA, my first painting (again) after yeeaaaarrrs.....I cannot say it's some masterpiece of whatever, but I guess it's not bad for somebody who hardly paint, eh ? hahaha....I'll be doing this again in my idle time for sure.

Before I go to Indonesia, in Prague I started another idle time filling activities, this time I'm starting a self-project on Indonesian culture appreciation blog (or tumblr, if you wish), namely Pernak.Pernik...which for more, you can always consult the tumblr site yourself, and comment :D

Art activities may be my only justification of being idle. Well, at least It's not complete crap either, though, rite? :p

So that how August ends, and I embrace the busy new beginning of September 2009!! (w0Ot)!! Xp

Trust, How Are You?

2009-07-18T16:09:00.007+07:00

Trust - a simple word but indeed a key ingredient to ANY relationships: boyfriend-girlfriend, parents-children, husband-wife, neighbours, and oh how it's so critical to the functioning of any good society. Despite the simplicity it may sound, Trust is a concept that is really hard to implement. In any boy-girl relationships, it requires first 'trustable' characteristics--whatever that means to you--records with ex-relationships, parents' marriage, commitment, you name it, it may be endless . In neighbourhood, it requires frequent quality mutual interaction in order 'trust' can be embedded in every soul, to every another soul. In bigger scope, society, trust is never easy. Even trust buil in centuries of civilization can falter in a minute of misconduct.

With trust, there'd be no fear, no worry, carefree in living everyday life. There'd be no use carrying knife everyday to school, There'd be no fear of conducting praying in religion that you believe in in public space. Well, a calm surface doesn't always mean nothing occurs below it. But harmonious-look on the surface would certainly help trust building, wouldn't it?

The surface? yes. The environment, in society plays BIG role. Appereance, on the surface again, is important. One instance where appereance seems to be trivial but truly is crucial in society : It had required New York Government to prove its Broken Windows theory, eliminating wall-graphity act for 6 years until it finally create its default sounder environment. Grafitti, it had believed, was the symbol of the collapse of the system--who would have thought ? who would have bought such idea? but it had proven working. Another on appereance, it's also norm to well-dress yourself when you're trying to stop a car for hitchhiking. No kidding. How would you expect trust to be put on you if you're dressed in dirty clothes and have some odour of 3-days-not-changed socks? Although on the other hand, some instance of banning jilbab in public spaces or university in some countries, does not at all promote trustworthy society, and even cause backlashing anger within.

Where everything is neat, organized, and everybody seems to be living decent life in whatever faith and believe they'd like to live, it's rather easy to built trust. In this part of the world i'm living now, I would not hesitate to hitchhike with anybody on my travel to another country or anywhere nor would I hesitate to accept couchsurf requests or demanding someone's couch to sleep over in my journey. Moreover, one might not hesitate to invite a beggar outside to stay over for the nite (Which I doubt I would do likewise in Jakarta, no matter how angelic I am). There's less worry, and hence, less prejudging. This is a trust built in society--not merely individual trusts. This is rather a kind of trust that people crave to live in--to live in peace.

There's no guarantee that a society where there was no corruption, no bribe nor terorism bombing attempt would really trust one another, either. But where these acts are common, it's next to impossible to build trust. So where's the position of our trust in Indonesia society nowadays? Bhineka Tunggal Ika('Unity in Diversity') that we still endearly praise is a kind of societal concept hardly exist in other nations and it's been builing trust for centuries of civilization in Indonesia. We should hold and live it proudly as well. But still, we cannot close our eyes that the value erodes. There are malicious minds sipping in our brains that aims at separating us apart. I wouldn't say that these crazy bomber guys are Indonesian citizen. They're not educated to be one nor would they try to be one and save the country, they're not loving Indonesia, and more universally, they're not even loving any other human!

Surely what had made them such bloody-bombastic-killers is already a big socioeconomic issue to sort out, but I'd also like to think about how it affects trust. This bombing is not going to make trust more easily built, left alone it's making it much more devastated. Not to mention parties of politics who are using such miserable event to black-sheep other parties! How they're ignorant and instead of fighting againts the terorists they're splitting people apart! This is the least that we need. We need to be together and not let these negatives thoughts of prejudging, doubt, mistrust, sipping in our brain. The lack of trust--despite the personal freedom--wears on people. The lack of trust--with personal freedom--significantly backlashes on society as well! It's becoming more and more essential to keep our head hard and cool while trying to also make our heart warm and softer to embrace, respect and love people-no matter how and from where they belong. If you do respect and love, would you dare to bribe from them? would you dare to terrorize them? would you not trust them? Isn't it--to put it other way--takes much more energy and resources to fight rather than to live in peace?.....But,

a soft heart --loving and embracing alone is not enough of course.

It's no easy task. I'd say first we have to be responsible. If we expect others to be trustworthy, we have to lift ourselves up to be trustworthy in the eyes of those we must live around—and through our actions show them that they should follow suit. For which we need to stop pointing fingers and focus on sharpening our hard skill and making our head harder and cooler as much as our effort to soften (and enlighten!) our heart. Intentions is as useful as a bike for a fish without any action following it. It may as well require 3 more generations to make a really sound, respectful and trustworthy society. But it's nothing impossible no? We have indeed the strong base, we have to keep away the things that makes it stumbling even further and rebuild.

So? let's unite and make a better future for our society! ^^V

hm.. As i'm still living here, it may sound hypocrit or whatever, but I do care and feel utterly sad... :(. hope to walk to talk soon, though

At the moment :

BOOK | Globalization and its discontent, Joseph Stiglitz & Development as Freedom, Amartya Sen's :: MOVIE | Red Dwarf Series :: MUSIC | Brasilian Musics, Eddie Vedder's (He always rocks!)

Infect me good, please!!

2009-07-08T15:34:00.006+07:00

*Sneeze!!*

:) I wonder if some of you are now actually sneezing, out of reading my line above. Maybe if you'd wanted to sneeze, you've been perpetually sneezing by now. Or If if you hadn't wanted to sneeze, you'd want to sneeze now. :p Have you?

Sneezing is one of the most contagious act of all. If you see somebody wanting to sneeze, you'll mostly be ignited to sneeze all the while. Amongst other gestures and acts we can also lists some which can influence others on doing the same. Maybe in that very click of the moment, or after quite some while. It's the contagiousness factor of these acts. What you do. What others do. Affects others and affects you. As human being, it's inevitable that we're interconnected to our surroundings....*unless you're put in an asylum *. which you're not, of course.

I'd been reading Malcolm Gladwell's book the Tipping Point and had found that his points are truly reflective of our everyday lives, despite how subtle it may seem. *FYIWIT(For your Information, What I think) it's a truly interesting book for those up for Phsycology, Marketing, Business, Public Relation, Communication, Mass Communication, Anthropology, Sociology...You name it! It's a book for everybody!* Amongst his various topics...I'm interested in peering into the 'Contagiousness' .

He pointed that

The Tipping point is one dramatic moment in an epidemic when everything can change all at once.

Owh. This is already too hard. I dunno when I'd be able to shake community and my surroundings and 'everything'. I'd probably able to nudge a bit of it. Just bit. so perhaps....I'd be doing....bit by bit (just remembered that NKOTB song 'Step by Step Ooohh Babbbyy'! :p). Well, just like this sneezing effect of the first line. Imagine how you could also 'create epidemic'. Hm now we can set this sneezing example away and take up some positive, beauty from the inside of you. What kind of contagion are you willing to spread?

I'm not talking about 'radical change, the moment of critical mass, the threshold, the boiling point' as noted in the book....I'm more into seeing how we could affect our surroundings in everyday life. One really contagious act I'd really try to share is...TO SMILE.

Have you ever walked down the alley and passed thru a stranger who throws you a smile? It may seem subtle. but smile is a smile everybody can recognize. For the very base of being human, you'd also smile back, no? *if you're not smiling, it may be because the stranger is rather kinky, flirty, or ...perhaps it's you that's lacking of 'human side'?* hehe...

Me? Smiling is not my default face but I'm most certainly be smiling back. More likely, I'd be trying to hold gaze with the stranger on the passing by lane and put a bit of smiling face and expect them to smile back *hey i'm no freak and I don't think my smile for strangers are exxagerated, freakish, nor flirteous--it's just simple smile reflected also in the eyes ;p--I hope *. Dissappointingly, not rare that they'd throw their face and see straight to the pavement, not bothering to smile back. But by then I'd try to hold gaze with the next passer by :p. It may matter if in fact you're feeling blue and doesn't feel like smiling...But believe me, if you try, at least you're making somebody else happy. Well, In the little village i've been living these months, it's rather easy because there's not so many people around. It's rather common to say 'Bonjour, Bon Journee' to passers by, swapping smiles all the way. And in some occasions people are interested in some sort of 'exotic' face I have that they might even 'stare' at me :p --In any case, I'd smile. I know, It'd be frustating to try to gaze to people while walking in Jakarta, or in Mall Ambassador where there are MOB of people.

Smiling is one idea, and product, and messages, and behaviour that spreads just like viruses do. It's the idea of happiness. Just by seeing people smiling, you'd be sensing in yourself some form of happiness. Maybe you're not thinking about YOUR happiness, but more of his or her. And knowing that somebody is utterly happy, DOES make you happy. Doesn't it? Even if he/she's total stranger to you. Good Ideas though, is as easily spread as Bad Ideas. Peeking some in financial theory, negative news is even spread more abruptly than positive news. making the information distribution is skewed more to negative side.

So please beware of the negative aura or idea that you might spread as it might devastate people around you even more than you are yourself....and let's focus on the positive side. Dig in yourself and surely it's mostly important to be happy from within. After, never too shy to embrace all the channels...Be wise and express yourselves as nowadays we're individuals connected to individuals. Of course, It's not just becoming easier and easier to spread some contagion, but also to be infected--for which, we have to behold and be wise. Be wise, in reveiling and spreading things, and be wise in filtering informations coming in. Compared to examples in Tipping Point book on Contagiousness that evoke in decades back, I believe epidemic spread multiple times faster and in multiple dimensions it were at.

Let's also see it as blowing soap buble to the air....It may vanish, but while it's there floating in the air, it's so mesmerizing people would take a look. How long the buble stays, it's a matter of 'stickiness' factor. There's no need to rush blowing the bubbles--even you cannot blow too hard--unlike sneezing! and you can add some stick to add more bubbles, aite?...

Nowadays, it's no more country to country nor company to company relationship that matters. Everybody's holding their own sake. It's between you and me. and all the others around. So, in the light of contagiousness, What Idea / product/ message/ behaviour/knowledge you'd like to spread?, How would it make your surrounding a bit of a better--if not worse-- environment? In this era of interconnected world (oh it sounds superfluous, though it may really is and I'm a bit overwhelmed!).., imagine how openwide channels can help you spread your ideas, the way you think, evoking the beauty inside you, that shines and radiates....!

So...er....I'm ready to be infected! Please!

BOOK | The Blue Sweater, Jacqueline Novogratz (she's truly my idol!!) and Development as Freedom, Amartya Sen, :: MOVIE | IT Crowds, Taegukgi, brotherhood of war :: MUSIC | Jose Gonzales and Morcheeba. still :: GAME | Heroes III

Summer's officially coming

2009-07-01T16:07:00.005+07:00

So....Summer is officially coming...

the temperature has risen from average 22 to average 27-27 degree celcius at daytime...

and the sun sets at around 10, jeopardizing praying time, but it's cool to have loong looong sunlight during the day!!

This year is my second summer in my life....last year was full of blast. so will this year be, I hope. Embracing summer I had profitized the transition time to visit rheinz river in frankfurt, germany and Holland (Amsterdam-delft-rotterdam-denhaag). And it still rolls for more...

For the sake of summer spirit, i changed by desktop background to this one below, some random pick from idle deviant art stroll on 'summer'.... u too..can enjoy.

taaa daaa!!! be back in a while

....er...too gloomy?

2009-05-28T16:03:00.006+07:00

It's been like this for years....I want to resurrect this blog,......for some brighter look....

It does look too shabby & gloomy, no?

...ah for now, header is changed..else? um...I also put plurk so-called-life-journal widget below....

else? later huneeeh!

Stocking Transparent Cellotape

2009-05-28T14:13:00.001+07:00

In a post of 2008's new year *well in fact, it's still in this page, see how unproductive blogger I am on the whole of 2008 and this first half of 2009!!^_^*..., I wrote ....

"the alteration of the year usually become the time when we wrap what we already had at that time,

Start to open a new wrapping sheet, Design what kinda gift we would want to wrap up in the end of the next termine, the next new year"

I kinda did it. I opened a wrapping sheet in gold bright motives I really liked. Wide enuff as to contain my box of dream that year. That golden box, had been there for quite some time. I wanted it. badly. If my heart could scream, it would have. Loud it would have been.

And then.... the wrapping began...I put the box on top the wrapping sheet, composed it carefully..., plied the wrapping sheet and in each ply, cellotaped it with prayings day and nite and sheer faith that God would hear me pray. Of course. He's so giving. And I, too got the answer. It was what I'd wanted. that golden box was a new chaptre of a book, scribbled already, but it was a new chaptre!! Like a kiddo being told a new fairy tales, I was gleefully starting to read it, out loud--page by page.

But that kiddo was crying as the end of the fairy tales was a horrifying end. sparing nightmares. Hei.., but luckily I took notice...this fairy tales book is different. It gives several storylines. You remember illustrated book when you were a kid, you're the actor and there'd be options below the pages, on which act you'd choose to pursue according to what your heart tells you, following to different pages and hence different endings? This is likewise. A multistoryline fairy tales book. No matter how hard you try to pick which action you'd pick in every bottom of the page, you still cannot expect what awaits you in the following page. But as all fairy tales with God as the director, whatever story it is, it is exciting--and indeed, life is :). And we're mere actors huney, we're supposed to just read thru the script and play along.

I wanted that bright coloured sheet and that golden box. I wanted it badly. And at the end of the year I turned out having a gift wrapped in a black sheet. As the wrapping may look un-enticing, and the dope black sheet was not really pleasant to the eyes-though it was nicely plied..., I carefully opened it, peered inside and I was .....I was ...awed by glittering rainbow coloured box inside, a box I've never seen in any window I'd run thru in my past life....and all the while, I say T h a n k Y o u --I smiled...despite it's non golden state. ---n ssshh...Ah, and in fact, I truly love its magenta! *maw* ;p

Whole year. I may have just learnt this one painfully gained lesson. Who am I to choose that wrapping sheets? Who am I to choose that golden box? We ARE the recepient!! The only thing that I know the gift would require, is the cellotape...ah and you know, in fact, the best cellotape, is the transparent one. sleek,...and goes well with any kind of wrapping your gift may be wrapped in in the end. Cellotape. No gift is made without. Even if you have the nicest plying techniques, it'll be no use without the cellotape.This is absolute in every gift-wrapping, no? Else than that? Ey! It's a gift, you shouldn't expect to know in advance!

So now?...

ah..

so why worry about what you'll do in life. in 5 years, in 20 years. You may worry, you may expect, but you might have to reconstruct in matter of days. or shorter. I heard that most exciting ppl in their 20s don't know what they're going to do w/ their life. Either most exciting ppl in their 40s, still not knowing...

so no worries....

stock some transparent cellotapes..and..

just...

e m b r a c e . . . .

May it the gift in whatever wrapping sheet it's wrapped in, Or...like Forrest Gump's mommy says. Life is like box of chocolate, It IS like chocolate filling from the best confisirie the whole galaxy. You'd have no idea but it'll be exciting to know aite?..

Never settle...and come what may. Que sera sera.

and be thankful.

and stock some transparent cellotapes...

....

......ah, and life may be as exciting as a DIY project. be creative and you never knew what one object might become in the end... fufufu (DIY spirits on...) ...this is not relevant but whatsoever!!

...

TODAYS SITEs :: http://www.designspongeonline.com (for the cute idea of DIY in this idle morning):: http://www.eldis.org/ (for the new rainbow coloured box--thanks Lishia!) ::

BOOK | Globalization and its discontent, Stiglitz, still reading :: MOVIE | No movies these days :( :: MUSIC | Zero 7, Morcheeba, Jose gonzalez

lalalalala *melenggang lalu*....don't bother if you don't bother. :)

Kisses.

...mah...

2009-04-23T16:12:00.005+07:00

I can't believe that it'd been more that 1 YEAR (o n e y e a r!!) that I left my blog untouched...Oh poor blog. but what does this indicate? I used to blog when I was bored or having nothing better off doing...

but.. This one last year had been a blast. It was so overwhelming (in any sense perceived by the little me).., that I have no spare energy to jot anything down here... IT was full of joy, happiness, sadness, ups, and downs, bitter and sweet, and I am like a dog seeing snow for the first time--sniffing on the fluffy white, wiggling my tail, out of excitement. HAaha, don't take it litterally. It was not my first snow and I didn't wag my tail. But...It was like that. so so.

:D

I'll be soon back to you....
anyway.
This is MY FIRST SPRING EVER IN MY LIFE !

My back My brain

2008-02-17T09:31:00.009+07:00

Having studied the subject amongst ergonomic subject in my dear college time, i wasn't realized of the real danger and the prevalence of this disease. I'd bumped into those having treatment for such pain, but haven't really had it on top of my head until a week ago a dearest colleague having had to get a full bed rest for almost 2 weeks due to...Back pain.

It's not mere sprained muscle in your back easily alleviated using Salonpas!. It's much more severe than that. It involves the most fragile yet the most important and complex part of our body. Of course! all our senses are hubbed in this elongated lumbar of ours...a single click could mean thousands of nervous jammed. It's the part that keeps our brain-un-scattered, have it integrated to all of our limbs.

After discussing w/ some fellows. I've heard many many many stories of back pain occurring to them, and their relatives and friends. I was not expecting it.

The numbers are staggering: There’s an 80 percent chance that, at some point in your life, you’ll suffer from severe back pain.

Wheeww!! Hell that's such an occurrence, 80%! but then, H o w w e a r e s o f r a g i l e!! Anyway, After several doctor visit and MRI scan, my colleague recognized that some of her disks got broken, in this case, either bulging, protruding, or herniated disks. I wouldn't ask for more detail at that time I asked, though..This case of broken disks occured to 90% of back pain occurance. Having the image of gum leaking outside its borrows screech my teeth. *sigh

It is true to say that the prevalence is getting higher as degeneration occurs in aging people. True. But some of my friends are already having the problem. I'm talking about my twenty-something friends! Hm... What makes this disease is more diffused to more and more young people nowadays?

Of course, the way we work nowadays.9 to 5 sitting in front of the computer,our lumbar disks would get pressure, agitated by the awkward posture we sometimes, or mostly pose. Or perhaps you should contact Health and Safety department of your office, having them change your chair to a more back-friendly version.
You might listen that Cameron Diaz truly digs high heels as they make her thigh leaner. But girls, beauty is pain sometimes! High heels also make this pressure on back disks more severe.
What else? post-labor mummies are also prone to this. It's said that according to Chinese tradition, new mums are supposed to stay on bed for few weeks to gain strength to their back, after laboring.
And daddies? lifting sofas might give you a kick in the back, daddy. Be careful..
Humm Don't We just LOVE MSG!! That devilish Monosodium Glutamat, feels so yummy but do you know that it make your nervous system rigid and less flexible, and hence makes you more prone to nervous system disorder, twitched between the disks of your back, for instance. T_T

One suspicious idea is that this disease is in fact not purely physical. As complex as it was hubbed to our neuron system and brain, some says that sometimes It’s a problem suited for psychologists and neuroscientists, not surgeons. 90% prevalence is that the pain is temporal and the broken disk would alleviate itself after 7 weeks and the patient can go back to their daily life. in 10% it would get worse and more chronic. So, having said the hypothesis, maybe only with the power of mind, about how you perceive the pain, you slain the demon.

Hopefully, having acknowledge he danger and our proneness to this disease would increase our awareness, and hopefully would trigger our prevention act avoiding the same. Sport would certainly help. The most effective perhaps Yoga Pilates...the one that makes you 'fe e l t h e l o o n g o f y o u r b a c k ....' as you heal in and out posing eloquently in cobra-pose... heard that this kind of yoga is focusing on our bones, making our lumbar more energized one time and another,.... or running, swimming and aerobic that it increases the density of your bone..., and adding more back stroke surely would strengthen the muscle of your back, which is equally important as it protects the disks of you lumbar...as buffer to shocks and resistants...

Anyway the ultimate is to know the limit of, to care and appreciate what He has given you out of this precious brief life of ours.....our Body, Brain, and what connects them all, our Back.

And please, tell your most loved ones also, so that they care more...

Covet-worthy stuffs to share...

2008-02-09T21:14:00.002+07:00

Malem mingguan.

After some (helluva) time, this saturday nite feels so homey...
Actually tried to be a more obedient child today as usually I'd never been home until late nite on saturday nites--especially when I'm in Bandung like tonite...but tonite, when at least I try, my parents are out elsewhere. so no use. hahaha...

But anyway I've got no rendez-vous tonite..and ermm, so....

Potato couching I am--- let me share covet-worthy stuffs I adore lately...Sorted and sized(!@!) based on interest and frequency of awe-ing. ^^V Hope you like it too...

PHOTOGRAPHY

As usual, kicey's for her magnificent eyes on details and structures, and colours.
Tommy Oshima Pfwwweeeuuhh this guy has always produced great photos, deep divulging emotions and awesome camera skills (as also his collections of large, medium format and astonishing bizzare yet b-aeu-tee--fuulll film pick)
And PujaParakh . I think this lady really got some attitude in her photograph! so unique, original and simply awesome

The fact that the two ladies are autodidact photographers, inspires me in some way. Haha.

WORLD WIDE WEB

Hm..inspired by gallery of pujaparakh, I really want to have the same, so got myself picasa's and gallery template by airtightinteractive
The great mummies website of Karen Cheng's
Planning on next holiday...so lonelyplanet would be one great source of inspiration...*alors, tu veux me suivi?!*
Also! planning my great escape..and future....on eastchance, and all sorta.. *wish me luck!*
Facebook, for definite, running my castle on Knighthood app and poking everyone on the list. Hehehehe. guilty pleasure corrupting my own time on this already brief life time of mine!! OK, friendster is still on the list. With their new app --copycatting the other f**... social networking site.Nice try, keep practicing...

BOOK | The World is Flat, still reading :: MOVIE | Hwang Ji Yi, Juno, The land of women :: MUSIC | Lisa Ono, Michael Frank, Jack Johnson

Hmmm....Realized that It'd been sometime that I stroll through graphic design stuffs. It HAD always been my top priority back then! Hm. Haven't got time I suppose. I missed scritch scratching here and there on my illustrator template, I missed my around the clock mismatching shapes and patterns...uuwwhh.....truly misses it.

anyhow, I did stroll around...and awed --oohh aahh by these indonesian artists! oh how they could be so talented... ;p ika putranto and richard's...looking forward to see them shine in the future!!

Well Let's just continue this loooong looongg saturday nite around the house. doing nothing.

awh. how can I forgot. MUSIC. my dope my life. hahaha...
e n j o y

Senseless, as make sense as it senses

2008-02-07T10:37:00.000+07:00

what about the city
where traffic is like jam on your bread
where Pb is like daily detergent to your lung
where flood is deluging tide
where emission is like cigars to smoke addict
where sun beam hardly contact the ground
where sun rays diffused by pitching black clouds
where glowing city light hid stars behind
where noice cancelling headsets assuage the surrounding trafic clamor

what about the city
like an affair. not for good but can’t let go
like drug. addictive. but still no good.
like gold cage. stuck in glimmering light.

where all, I mean A L L , make sense.

the traffic jam, the pollution,
the flood, the pollution again, the noise,
all, now makes.... sense.

#$#@!!

Sense...never recall such sense...or have i became senseless...as make sense as it sense.

Oh how I can’t keep bragging...It’s just that we don’t really have choice, do we. What’s with the centralization. Construction, public ones on busway, monorail, flood gateway,

what about them?
if they’re not making traffic cramped up, it would surely make a city more worth to live in, wouldn’t they?

*been now almost a year living in this dreadful city i cannot escape from....

Continuum As Time Can Be

2008-02-05T22:20:00.000+07:00

2008

It's not even January.
It's not even the beginning of February.
Have I missed it? Has it been stale?

Awh.

What's with the ultimate count down on 31st Dec?
What makes it different on 12.59.59 that nite with 00.00.01 the next morning?

It's supposed to be mere continuum,

But still, a sense of erase and rewind is what's commonly felt.

the alteration of the year usually become the time when we wrap what we already had at that time,

Start to open a new wrapping sheet,
Design what kinda gift we would want to wrap up in the end of the next termine, the next new year

starting all over again.
Making up our mistakes---well for this one, you'd do it later after life, though. hahhehe

No. It's not erase and rewind. it's erase and forward. It charges new spirit into you.

It was supposed to be the moment when you can stop, asks yourself 'Am I happy?'. Answer,'yes!' and move on. Hahhaa. it's that brief happiness is, as always--doesn't it?. But always worth reminiscing.

***

Me?

Neah, I'm not into those things. I mean planning. hahahaa....Resolution would usually be re-solution for the next round...I never plan my life for a whole one year, Hahha! beat it for those who encourage me to build a 3 years vision and mission. :p I can't make my plan for a year, and you want me to make 3 or 5 or 10 years ?!! You're not getting it! I just can't seem to be able to do it. Not that I don't want to achieve something, the light in the end of the road is somewhat imminent, I know what I'm doing and for what means do I do what I do, now. I know that everyday's a lesson should reflect on yesterday's mistakes and turns downs. I know what I build today is for tomorrow. So do it just right and on my max, coz you can't turn back time. But that's it. As continuum as time can be, I only have past and present. Where my present is better than my past--My future will then lead. Hopefully.

That was about making plan--which I do zilch. nada. BUt on the minutes change of the year, I'd like it to be memorable. Hee hee

This year 2008 I was fortunate to have it somewhat great. Awaiting countdown in Asakusa, Tokyo.
Last Year, It was truly pathetic, spent the change of the year 2007 in my laboratory, Alone doing my final assignment.crash and burn!!
The Year before that, the change to 2006 was also helluva fun. I was on 4 day Ujung Kulon trekking trip, on a grassy field viewing the beach, though alas, on the very minute of 00.00.00, it was raining heavily. So....So long the count down.
Changing to 2005...it was that party in LFM.
Changing to 2004...err it's getting harder....awI forgot. !!! Oh my. so far is my memory. I can't remember which occasion is when.

I am already sleepy. Betta go to bed now. Hm, One thing for sure. Over the year, my persona has evolved tremendously. Thanks to people surrounds me to whom I respect, love and always learn from. You guys and girls have been inspiration to me..Please stay so. I'm not planning on stop changing--for better me. *hugs everybodaeeeiiii* ..... ^^V OK ok. I'm getting delirious. Bye for now.

Too Keeee Oooooowwwwhhh!!

2008-01-20T22:52:00.000+07:00

Photo Sets : Too Keee Ooooowwhh!!

*please come see, (awe- hehee).. and comment*

Yes! got myself a great vacation last new year holiday : To Japan--Tokyo, par exact. Hm. Will get back for the details! I've got to go to work now!!

It's not that I don't care about your 'fluffy' pet...

2007-12-06T23:29:00.000+07:00

Sure time flies.

Hm..Let’s take a glance back. Not so far back. 6 years ago. When webpage was all HTML and ASP based. Nailing the script was a pain in the arse, setting a blog would be cumbersome, and friendster as I remembered, was not even in beta mode yet. Oh, but we had IRC, ICQ, and all sorta stuffs. But was there any wall containing our most cutest pose, stranding aside our ‘living the moment’ status? Our confession of ‘today’s achievement’, all-books-I’d-read, and not to forget fluffy virtual pets incessantly craving for your caress? Testimonial posts.. They say it’s social networking. But let’s move more backward...just 5 years more backward. When internet’s was not that hip. Should anyone voluntarily posted their their cutest photo, have them glued to an electricity pole or school public magazine or walls, along with their hobby, relationship status, not to mention the flirty letters ....unless you’re running your campaign for a presidency seat –or, desperately seeking partner in life in matchmaking column, I suppose in more chances the police would certainly got involved, wouldn’t they?!. =p

But now! Dozens of so they called ‘social networking’ channels for all queerness in life : MySpace, LinkedIn, Friendster and the hippiest nowadays, Facebook. Not to mention other function-structured specific ones as Goodreads, Flickr, Flixster, Tabblo, del.i.ci.ous... And in case you haven’t got enough friends you might then try others hi5 or Windmill, or...oh can’t just remembered those all I’d signed up. Pfyyuuhh!!!

Well, Yes, I’m in all of those, and more the more I got engaged, sorry friend. It’s hard to say this to a non-meta friend, I suppose, but you, have taken too much of my time! The poking, the hugging, the gift browsing...It's truly fun....but, still!...Not to mention the bandwidth mostly unbearable by internet-cafes or dial up speed internet connections. Now, considered poking and hugging meta-friends are ritual, for just poking it might take 20 seconds. Oh. et...c'est pas a moi...but most my friends have endless app already installed hence it'd take minutes (with sheer luck to have all downloaded) just to open their page!

Social Networking channels.....Well, does that means that the most people having friends on the so-called virtual space, the most popular the person? In some cases it’s even aggravated by a ‘Popularity contest’ apps, supposedly tracked by statistics on people coming by. Hm. Yep, that might be a good paramater afterall. I got great times finding my old mates and finding people in same interests allrite. But is it all about engaging friends and solely social networking? Certainly not... It’s now all about Self-Branding!

Is it that you want to take comments on others, or give charm bracelet as gifts to your girlfriends, or having an Octoberfest...what-de...No. Better admit it. It’s mostly about you, yourself. =p Which I may interpret as me, I myself and mine. Vote me, pinch me, hug me, know me, say how interesting I am. Owh. It’s no more subtle. We put everything on the wall. It’s amazing of how I could know more about you than I do myself. So long self-depreciation and modesty! There’d be no king and queen. We are all king and queens!

If we’re to name ourself a generation, hm. Generation X’s taken back in the spice girls day, Generation Y was taken all the same. then, Generation ‘I’ would be my best choice of all. Why “I”? But why not? Narcissism is the new wave, surged, washed and soaked us all over the continents!!

Anyway. I’m not saying it’s bad. It’s a phenomenon leading to other advantages. Imagine what we could do with such network and –if not said ‘easy’—tight bondness – pledge a campaign and easily aroung 4000++ people would rush voting for; held an activist movement –find those concern much about would be a click away; desperately missing someone without wanting to loose face calling over—simply send a gift! How it’s all about text and emoticon nowadays! Anyway, narcissm ain't at all bad... the more we love ourself—in any case the essential of narcissism—the more then we would love our surrounding, ain’t it?!

Adding other advantage...blending those slow social network w/ the faster ones (i.e. sms, irc, ym, etc) would make another Conversational Behaviour....at least would make us busy two or three years ahead...

See, the key is moderation and balance, as always. Thus I can tell that no way in the future virtual world would supersede real life.

The "slow" and "fast" social networks are actually "asynchronous" and
"synchronous", and thus not competing with, but complementing each other. And
you need both in the world we're about to enter.

Sure agree with the statement. Those sticking to just one side is just not getting the most of our time!

***

Hmm...can’t wait the day when : the ‘poke’ application is installed in every mobile phones now all blue-toothed. Guess it’s not a great leap of technology to get to that part, afterall...it's only a matter of when the price of mobile internet would fall downright.... imagine...

A girl standing in the middle of a town square or a train station or an airport or a restaurant, holding her mobile and make sure her mobile brand arouse evidently, so that it'd be easily spotted— she stand tall...take a glance around......
Ah! cute guy 3 o’clock, 9 metres away—phone type...er...
she turn on the bluetooth...—searching mobile
....gotcha!----hmm....what about... poke! ......pinch! ................hug!

*millo, yahoo answers

Island Life

2007-11-30T21:47:00.000+07:00

Hearing to Michael Franks' 'Island Life'...

Keep believing you soon will earn your turn to flash in the pan
It's deceiving' cause nothing kills like this metropolis can
Everywhere there's blind ambition
Dog eat dog and screw you
You do unto others and they do unto you
Everyday you fight taxicabs and traffic, permanent frowns
Lay awake at night wondering if you hear burglary sounds
Think it's time to make my exit
Kiss all this goodbye and
Catch the next flight south connecting to my island life
Look at me I'm a refugee from the island life
I belong where the shade is palm and the mango's ripe
I'll do all my swinging in some hammock by a turquoise sea
For free
Guess it must be clear I do not belong in this cityscape
I am not from here and I do intend to make my escape
Take me back to waterfalls in volcanic canyons
Where coconuts and orchids are my sole companions
Look at me I'm a refugee from the island life
I belong where the shade is palm and the mango's ripe
How inviting it would make always killing time if you
Came too
Can't you see we're just refugees from the island life
We belong where the shade is palm and the mango's ripe
We'll do all our swinging in some hammock by a turquoise sea
For free

HHhhhhh....

Feels.. like....
Holiday...

....

....

:)

....

....

Let's.

comic er, kinda clown

2007-10-14T21:20:00.000+07:00

Clown.
The big red nose.
White painted face
big red smiley(or-not) painted mouth.
Hm. Mc Donalds' clown sitting below the yellow arches everywhere. Neah.
Kids love 'em. they take picture w/ the guy. kool guy.

But t just strucked me of how I always don't like clowns. Unlike Bart simpson who's having traumatic nightsleep of the Krusty the clown. But yes, similar--as a kid, I hate clowns! they're somewhat horrifying.

Once in my 7th birthday. My parents held quite a big bash over my house. all my fellow neighboor kiddos are invited. Tart cake, full decorated house w/ balloons and colourful crep papers. all parfait..--well so it seems. until the clowns came.

Why clowns? Are they supposed to entertain kids? with their grey hair, half scalp showing off, excessive wrinkles on their rubber painted mask, the deep eye figure, the pointy or big red bulb nose, the big butt, the big foot--the clown sent to my house was waaayyyy uggliier than one shown in the picture-- Urgh. Even adults would enjoy an entertainment of one, I think. What are the parents are thinking when they send in clowns?! Well, suppose clowns today has more scary features than it used to--or it's just me being unlucky meeting such scary clown in fairly young age ;p.

I presume they must have been more pleasent to the eyes in those days. Afterall, they've [clowns] been entertaining for the king, palaces, and noble events since the era of Egypt--so would it defines clown as.. :

"A divine spirit -- to rejoice and delight the heart," according to a nine-year-old Egyptian Pharoah who heralded the first recorded appearance of a clown around the year 2270 B.C.

Well, I suppose childs nowadays have more alternative icons to cheer up some party. Spongebob, Dora, Spiderman, --thousand times cuter. Lucky them.

Anyways, feeding my sheer curiousity on my 'so-called' childhood phobe, I ask people and most agree that clowns are not cute. and It's the most favorite all-time question on Yahoo!ask "Why do most people have fear of clowns?"

Lemme quote a bit

One of the more interesting comes from Kathryn Cillick. She believes most people are afraid of clowns because it's impossible to gauge a clown's true emotions. Thanks to painted-on smiles, people can't distinguish if the clown is as happy as he seems or if he's actually about to bite somebody's face off.

Hm. What a theory. Though I do NOT have fear of clown due to this--but most to their ugly-totally-misfit features hehe, pardon--er, Human clowns are scarrier. Without make ups, no white polished face nor big red nose. Those I cannot tell which is friend and which is foe. At least which is real friend, and those friends comes only in needs--who figures friends are means, to get somewhere, a sincere heart, a secret heart, a malign one, or just a plain one. No luck in reading people by their lines--especially when the mask is way thick. Is everybody wearing their clown version mask? Hm..well, if you are-- why wouldn't you wipe it off dear . I'm tired reading and fail.

Secret Heart
Why so mysterious
Why so sacred
Why so serious
Maybe you're
Just acting tough
Maybe you're just not man enough

(listening to Secret Hearts, Feist...)...

*hugs*

Anyways, Minal Aidin Wal Faidzin...Forgive me inside & out.

*image :One of the most normal google-d clown image!, sorry, no photoshop, just plain paint. heee hee...

travel type - moi

2007-08-25T12:14:00.000+07:00


	Your travel type: Travel Yup The Travel Yup likes exotic and adventurous travel, but prefers big cities with fast paced life. She has a keen interest in other cultures and always brings home a few souvenirs. Shopping in Bangkok, getting a tailor made suite in Kuala Lumpur, that's the kind of thing the Travel Yup is into. Even though he likes to get away, he prefers her travels to be comfortable.
	top destinations: Tahiti Beirut Amsterdam	stay away from: Tokyo Cairo Darien Gap

get your own travel profile

I think I don't agree w/ the result...as I can be more militant than this...hehhe...
But I'd surely wouldn't want to eat mice spoiled cereal!!@$#@#!! try this yourself!

When It all trembles, where to go?

2007-08-18T23:06:00.000+07:00

Pic : epicentrums all around the world 1961 - 1998.

can you see where Indonesia is?

*memorizing the horifying night on the 21st fl, last Jakarta's quake. ~_~ think twice living in an apartment guys - especially in place like ours..You can't really see where Indonesia is on the globe tear out...It was simply because the only place doesn't covered by epicentrum dots is Borneo Island!! Can You Imagine that? We're living on thousands plates, moving dynamically every minutes....the earth is sleeping beneath us. And when it wakes up...hmh.

But so I heard, the propagation due to the dynamic moving of the plates is actually better than no moving at all--which would cause even greater disastrous quake when the giant suddenly wakes up.

Anyways, guys....
It was one of the most horrifying night in my whole life...(not to exaggerating things) but at the moment, It was horrrorr!!! Hahaha..Ok I'm exxagerating.

I was on the 21th floor of my apartment...
a friend just stepped away so practically I was alone. but still awake, replying an sms...--when suddenly...

I got dizzy and felt the floor's moving...
The wooden curtain shackled...hard...hard andwhen I thought It would stop, it goes even harder....
Draaakkk!!!Draaadakdadadak!!! I stood and try hard to balance myself. out of my dizziness.

ZZnngg!!!
Felt my goosebumps rose all over me!
Sudden sense of tremor comes rushing in

Tried to figure out which window's not locked

y are the curtain were moving so franticly

Has a ghost visited the room...Is the apartment that creepy?
Tried hard to memorize surah Yasiin at the moment...urghh

Not yet on ease, I felt another rush of trembling noise comes--this time, not only from the curtains. Not just anything else trembles...My heart was jolting even faster outta its socket...

Everything shackled....the floor...the wall....My parquite floors...squeaking all over the place
Kriiiieettt...Kriieeett............Arghh...I can imagine the wall's cracking, the steeland all...
brrr..

Then I know, It was no ghost. It was no wind blowing. It was the earth. Mayday from earth!
an EarthQuake that is!

at the moment I tried to figure out the basic procedure dealing w/ earthquake I often preview on my office's toilet's door.
1) Stay close to the wall or
2) Get under sturdy table.
So stupid are the procedure! How could someone on the 21st floor be on ease sticking under a table. The building might eventually tremble and you'd squished under mio-tonnes of concrete, like a cockroach squished under your shoes. Ewwwwww!! not a happy thought. bad thought--! bad thought.

My foot was moving not a second later. I was not even thinking. It was all my little brain sending motoric synapsis. Not even processed by its bigger brother.

Without sandals on, I grabbed my keys and handphone and dashed off the unit. Stupidly, everybody else in my floor doesn't even bother to come out. I, was somehow relieved to hear squeaking sound coming out not just from my room, but from every other room--confirming that It was sure not a ghost residing only in my unit--But still confused y was I alone out there.

Guys, the most-not-trembling part of the building during earth quakes are the alley of the the building. Might be because there are no furniture at all there, but I sure didn't even felt like moving when I know the quake was happening so hard at each rooms

Going down using the stairs? Hell, Back to the cockroach story. no thank you. At least if it really trembles, I still have a box covering me. Whatever would my shape be. I chose using the elevator instead. Hop in.

I know. stupid stupid idea. Can't think of anything smarter that time.

Anyway, few minutes later..I got away from the building safely, followed by other fellow neighbours...in their various costumes. hehea...what a unique sight that nite, having seen everyone in their 'nightie' costumes...boxer, swimsuit !@#@!$!.., night gown!, pyjamas, thankfully, nobody really wears nothing.

It was not until the next 2 hours that I finally managed to get to sleep.
And the next morning found it unbelievable that some of my friends doesn't even felt a thing the next day! What a cow!

It was not my first time earthquake experience. The previous ones were equally stupid, but this one caused greater fear due to the amplitude that I felt from 21st floor. the I-Don't-know-what-to-do kinda of fear.

Anyways, from that days experience, I'd promised to make my life easier the next time (hopefully there'd be no next time)...but for the sake of earth quake disaster management, let me spread it out for you too. You, might find it useful too...

*Please bear in mind, that despite my experience above, this points below are built in logical manner, not emotionally...*

First, always have a decent clothe hung upon the door at night. A sweater or jacket will do. You wouldn't want to be spotted in your underwear or nightgown, or nothing(#$#!) by your neighbourhood, would you?!!
Secondly, Always have your keys, valuable items and a pair of sandal available next to your door too..So grab and dash. grab and dash.
Don't watch to much horror movie, or you'll be thinking like I was thinking. stupid.
You might want to consider having your emergency kit next to the door, including first aid stuffs, money, some clothes, insurance cards, whatever, in case your house or apartment really kiss the ground.
Be more logic than I am. The best practice in earthquake is actually having yourself under a sturdy table, placed against the wall.
If not, go down by stairs. It's just that some elevator are so smart that whenever an earthquake comes, they'd hold still and shut off. But I somehow knew my apartment elevator ain't that smart. hawehaa....what an excuse.
Stairs, so I heard, is not the safest part of the building,they are rumored to be the first part of the building that'd tremble down in case the building really trembles. So, better stay put in the room, as the first plan is: under the table.
Prepare all the surah and ayat for you perusal...hehe
Don't skip any prayer.

That's it for now. Finger crossed, After Sulawesi, Jogja, and the recent, Indramayu epicentrum (look at the pattern guys...)..., hopefully, Jakarta is NOT the next to come. Amin.

Cheers all,
Have a good nite sleep!!! Well I would. =D

Its...about time.

2007-07-29T17:07:00.000+07:00

Wwwuuuuufffhhh!!

after 'quite' some time not posting (3 months!!)---which is about enuff to make my fella-blogger wanting to dump me outta their blog-roll list...heheh...*please don't*...i'm back.

It's been 3 months since I've been working nine to five. rrr...eight to seven par exact, but to give you the sense....er...it's simply...mind-numbing. Not being given internet access nor do I have any spare time to browse around on daily basis and moreover posting...hmm...even at week ends I spent my PRECIOUS TREASUROUS time playing around--surely not in front of the pyuutteerr...*dugh*, my creative sense surely had depreciated...heheh. Hopefully nawt...

Anyways, *hehe* the now not hollow-pocketed me could 'wisely' spend my monthly-payed-tormented-dull-life on those things and gadgets I'd been long to have...=D First list is a mobile(hehehe more list to come upcoming months. u'll see. Hopefully it's not an endless one. T_T). In the pursue of my new mobile...I'd search browse, roll, inspect aaandd...I'd been very pleased to find my new vvveeerrryyyyy cccuuuuutteeee M600i! Aw aw aw! hahaha...

It's a new toy! I'm in euphoria mode. Anyway, I've been holding on to my previous phone-nokia 8310-- for 5 years! I don't even mind to change its case until I looked at it in very disgusted manner. awehhaha..not to mention the extremely slow loading time for each inbox dial. I could eve left it opening my inbox sleeping! very patience demanding!! I couldn't stand it no more. Just wished it would fell from my hand, felt on the asphalt and squished by some car passing by.

It's...about time.

Anyways, m600i's picked amongst its best traits :
- Light and handy for a black-berryish phone! Other pdas or blackberry phones are so bulky that they only match those rigid white collar in unmatching tie patterns. ^^V. This one is cute and simple. so me. Hahahah
- Can't help that it's so stylish! even Vesper on Casino Royale 007 uses it! adorable! I might be as smart as her. hawehaha....anyway, for this, you got me there, sony!
- The Crystal White case: simply cute so cute. For such features, no other mobile beats the design, especially for girls. wonder why girls are so into white stuffs. anyway, for this phone, white version is cheaper than the black one. More Aw Aw!.
- Features savvy! 3G, Gprs, office, push email and fully customized theme and application, for its Symbian OS...multitasking intelligent it is...Hmm so it IS a smart phone! :D
- Camera? cutting off this feature surely had cut the price wisely too. anyway i'm not that narcistic polluting my memory w/ self-upper angle-u-know--portraits. I don't mind not having one. I can bluetooth from other camera phones anytime.
- mp3. great sound. I ain't needing megabass either...so i wouldn't mind upgrade to w950i...
-qwerty pads? not too much fuss to learn in abit. and getting peak of my learning curve on the new keypads,it's soo way better than usual 1 to 9 pads.

but. I still have to buy some extra memory...it's very limited. :( next month mayhap...

Point is...I'm loving it soo sooo much, hope I wouldn't have to change it till next 4 years or soo..

*using my phone as modem...rr...just wait for the phone bill to come by EOM! T_T

Will you let me romaticise...

2007-05-06T00:55:00.000+07:00

5.50am
Jakarta's skyscraper's calling me
Underneath the Dusk blu-ish jakarta skies
Blue? Blu-greyish par exact. I can see it's toned to grey on the horizon.
Hm.... No morning venus I see.
The grey. Saturated Pollution.

Birds chirping outside!!

*sigh*....pity for the creature's tiny lungs...

Flex. flex. flex. good for your back...
Fridge.Warm.Cook.Iron.TV-On..
O-clip.Oceanus Bath...
Mix&Match. bad idea. bad idea. bad mix. bad match.
Hmmhh...

6.30am
I left the water dripping from the array of my soaked cleansed cloathes yesterday nite.
Just in matter of few hours. Now they're almost dry.
Anything would be rotten dry in this room.
So would me.

Creme, et la creme, et la creme... layer after layer.
Puff Puff, et voila!

Enjoy my own dish. not to forget, doing it.

Clinging dishes, same ol' reshuffled playlist n 0-clip. same ol' same ol'
Just like yesterday. all over again.

7.15am
Pair of twins (^_^....humm..so tutteeee...) --entering the elevator, along with their nannies.
Your parents gone yet, hunnies?...*sigh..
Today's kiddos, squishing little space outta this overly crowded world...the best they can...

Out.
Deep breath...
Sucking out toxic out of Jakarta skies.
Later. Later I'd cleanse out my lungs...
But now, I Gotta try harder fulfilling my oxygen req.
Ain't much is left outta your surrounding, brit
Deep breath...Sssshhhh.....
Sucking it even more.

Hufff...
Later would be forever.

Same ol' routines.Ojeg. 44.

8.00am
Outlook. Calendar.
Red Label for N. Orange for D. Blue for F.
SkyBlue for H. Green for M..Cute Cute calendar.
N,D,F,H,M. My bosses.
Getting this done. that done. Huff.
Dash off to the boss first. Hm. N,D,F,H or M first?

***

A Stack of binder widely opened in my opposite.
"Direct Debit..."..."THe Costumer....clearing zone"
Trying to re-figure it all out in a process flow diagram,
scribbled down on my lap. jotting here and there.
dozens of excel sheets on the queue
slides per slides sliding
so incessantly

10.00am.
Grab some milo...perfect boast of energy in the morning.
sugar! sugar! I need sugar!

11.50am
pick some buddies to out lunch...
8th fl? Warung Senggol?
Plaza Indonesia? %$##@!!

1.30pm
Same ol' excel sheets
Same ol' presentation slides...
trends...compare...analyse...
regress. digest. deteste.

People chattering from the distance...
faintly.

tick tick

tick

tickticktick.

schwoop schwoop

schwoop....and the mouse go

***

5.00pm
Dell Monitor's flickering in front of my eyes.
Excel file's opening on top of the window. An incognito. Perfect camouflage.
Underneath, Meebo for Ym and Google Talk's opened.
in Silence.

5.30pm
Toso vertical blind is half-shut in the background.
Through which, 3 storeys below, people's rushing out.
home. Hmmh...

Looking through the glass, Nobody's got a similar spot
A spot with the lobby view. None. Too Bad.

Imagine, if there is.
It's either me, or the other side person. or both be the ugly-naked-guy*.

Hm. I grinned imagining a series of plot is rushing through my head.Scene per scene,
could really turn out to be a short movie. mayhap a good one.

5.50 pm
Jakarta sky has begun to shimmer in orange,
reflected from my front window.
My cubicle may not be strategic. But it's got the best view of all! :D
*sigh...*

My phone rings.
"..."....
"a minute ma'am..."....Dash off.

'the Big-Big boss wants this done this evening.'
*_*
'you got it'
back to the cubicle. sigh..

so long my glorious evening.

Itchyfingers...
Dancing on the keyboards.

6.40am
Huff..
Sent to the Big-Big boss.
Dash for a prayer.

7.00pm
Lights off. Peoples chattering from a distance.
I'm off. off. the itch had consumed my brain afterall.
Ctrl-Alt-Del. LogOff. Ouch Ouch...

Out again.
You cannot feel it, cannot see it in this night sky.
The pitch blacked fume's lingering in stealth.
bedazzled in the dashing carlights.
Suck it.
Suck it even more.

8.00pm
Home.
Swim?

09.00pm
A Cook. Eat.Watch any movie.

Off the light. Off the box.

Bon reves,

et comme ce jour, Demain j'y vais.

........
........
........

*come to think of it...*

*sigh*...
How dull!! Same ol' Same ol'
They'd bought my life. and I'd gotta squish even more left out of it.

Spank me out of this sofa, will you! Don't let me left lingered.

If not.. Well. Suppose gotta learn to romanticise more outta this life.
Learn to make mine (my life-) a movie, so would my friend said.
Maybe he's right. I Would. indeed. Just wait.
I'm still on my transission pace.

...feel like...

2007-04-26T22:14:00.000+07:00

After surfing through this,
this and this...

I really feel like taking some pictures. #_#

My DNA.

2007-04-13T07:29:00.000+07:00

See mine? It's quite a good analysis bout me. hehehe..Do yours too and see how we match.

It turns out the longest posting..hawhehee..!! Hweehhe!

Fumes outta Loco

2007-04-12T04:30:00.000+07:00

A few days ago, my mother asked me,"Have you ever talked to someone smoking?"
I just shrugged and she added a lil more,"I've never done that.".

"Have You?"

"Sure ,"I'd replied. after a brief pause.

Why would that be such a big thing? It's not big a deal.Thousand times in my high school years I'd gone home with clothes soaked with the smell of smoke. Never having mind sitting in a little cubicle of 3x3 having about 15 people smoking in it. Ewh. Sometimes I couldn't stand it and leave, but most time I'd stayed. Sometimes I thought I should've smoked myself than having had to endure twice the risk of being a passive smoker. Stupid Idea. But eversince, I'd grown into a woman who could stand smoke. Believe it or not, despite my writing here, I'd developed considerable tolerance towards smoking that most girls don't have. I..had been a victim. :-[

But then, I'd realized her statement was an objection towards smoking guys. Whereas in fact I rarely had friend who doesn't. And even at times I do go out with those who does, even goes like a loco puffing the fumes pack a day, I wouldn't leave, though I'd speak my objection.

But tell you what, guys. Though I wouldn't object hanging w/ you who does smoke, despite the so called people say that smoking's cool, smoking people doesn't appeal as an attraction to me. Ewh! BLAH! It might, as well eventually toren down all ideal perspective I'd had in a guy. No matter the quality of their brain or braun, the image off smoke puffing outta them is...erh...Hm...how should I describe it...The more I love you guys, the pitier I get.

It's not that I'd deteste them who smoke. I've no objection whatsoever. It's just that I feel a pity towards them. How could they not appreciate their own body. How could they not respect people surrounds them. How could they not wanting to prolong their life. How could they sucked it till their lungs dried in pitch black colour. Aren't enough evidence showing the danger of smoking is out there? Can't they see?. Aren't they realize how (if they had) their baby would suck their smoke without any objection whatsoever.

Are they not realizing that even narcotics are forbidden, they're in fact safer than tobacco? Yes it is. Drugs may reduce the effectiveness of your nervous system or declining your brain power. BUt they're NOT going to kill you! unless you took over dose of it of course. ihihi.. But Cigarettes! It's no way back for pitching black lungs. It's a sure body killer. Almost all heavy smokers died of lung cancer, or heart diseases. All caused by their smoking habit. Drug addict? Not some much for the prevalency! And they can cure. See the difference?

Are they really turned on by those ironic and saturated tobacco ads on TV?! Is it that effective? Well if they do, twice the STUPPIDDITY!!

Maybe, I'd learned that for guys under 24's, the attributes advertised-in the super ironic tobacco ads--may be one luring factor. Those who starts smoking below 20 would remain smoker more likely throughout their brief life. As the years gone by, the Ad may not as effective for those elderly with more security. But in the end It's all about habit and addiction.

and Heck all products : Mild, light, low tar, full flavor, fruit flavored, chocolate flavored, natural, additive-free, organic cigarette, PREPS (Potentially Reduced-Exposure Products), harm-reduced… ALL are dangerous!!.

And moreover, I put respect on myself. I wouldn't want to have the higher risk only by hanging out with smokers. I'm sorry guys. But I'd leave you with your ashtray. The relative risk of coronary heart disease associated with high levels of passive smoking is greater than that estimated by partner smoking alone, even at exposure levels of 20 cigarettes a day or more.". Fortunately the exposure in public places has been declining. =D. Hurrah.

Whewfh. Enuft for guys.

For girls too. It's a phenomena I'd say hehe. Well, for our culture of course Indonesian women are conspicuous in growing and processing tobacco, their rates of smoking are low in comparison with their male compatriots and internationally. Their disinclination to smoke is commonly attributed to cultural values, which stigmatise women smokers as morally flawed, while at the same time sanctioning smoking by men. The number has been increasing. especially in big cities such as Jakarta, with prevalency number of about 6.4% of women. Of course prevalency in guys outnumbers significantly, to almost 55 or 85%! ANyway, for women, it's the more pity I get than for boys. They have greater responsibility for their body. What are they thinking?!

Hehe, but some guys I know, say that smoking women are sexy. Hm. I wouldn't object.

I know, we may be living outta our smoke here in Indonesia. Despite the intoxicating fume, I do put high contemplation on this industry : The market is so high--esp kretek, the tax's soaring, the benefits of tobacco plants for the labour and the society in the whole is of course, undeniable. The tobacco industry is still the second largest employer after government!. Awch. And isn't it verrryy easy to gain sponsorship from tobacco company?! how lucrative they are! And mind my quoting.

If this pattern of expenditure has continued to this day it is not feasible to argue that Indonesian people are gaining economically simply by being employed by the industry. Their income could be more fruitfully directed towards building other more worthwhile sectors of the economy. Instead, Indonesians are paying for the tobacco industry with their lives, simply sustaining the billionaires who exploit them (Catherine Reynolds)
***

My family fortunately, doesn't smoke. My mom, as stated above, hate smokers. My grandfather died of lung cancer, due to his previous smoking habit. That's why she hates smokers so much, I'd say. Although, she's the one also that taught us (me and my bro), how to smoke, and show how it's not at all beneficial nor tasteful.

So, If I ever given your my matches or ashtray, It's not that I'm ok with it. It's not that I'm NOT ok with it either. It's your body. I wouldn't mind as long I'm away from you. It's your own. I just feel a pity out of you. And the more I love you, the more pitier I felt.

Cheers!!

*loco in the title is for loco in spanish : crazy. or loco-locomotif...hihihi...

**from the internet...

***image from an ad exhibition : It's cute ain't it.

Anyway I love the evocative sense of kretek clove cigarettes. Hihihi..Body Shop has a parfume in that scent few years ago, I was wanting it badly but now they're not producing it no more. Ewh. Pity.

Second Energy Booster

2007-04-07T17:09:00.001+07:00

Hum. Do You remember my previous posting bout caffeine dopping?? Yah, It's my primary dope. I have the second energy booster. I don't really like the taste, but it's proven effective fuelling me up. Anyway, If a cup of coffee can make me up until 2 in the morning, and if I'd like to go until the morning comes, I'll have a sip of this. YEA, YEA. A sip is fine. And!! I can go throughout the nite, and even when the morning comes, I can still have activities until the afternoon, without even having that drowsy groggy sleepless face NOR the straining muscles. Yea! WithOUT! Whew. It's one helluva energy booster! Why does it boost energy? Well, of course there are some scientific explanation, very reasonable ones. It happens to be one kinda protein that can be absorbed as energy almost 100% into the blood stream, unlike any other protein that's inefficient hence might cause cholesterol, fat, etc etc.Hei I'm no pharmacist.Read it here, along with other testimonies or about it's benefits...here

I'll just tell you.

It's VCO, Virgin Coconut Oil.

ihihi..anyway. My family is using it. We're spreading the ..er.. so called 'elixir' to our relatives elsewhere. As we know, and we have witnessed it's effectiveness in everything. You name it! Curing Diebetes, Hipertension, Gaining Weight, Dieting, Muscle Strain, Whatever maladies may go. Of course, with a taste of FAITH. no no. just kidding (but of course it's needed)... ihihi... it really works! Try a sip once a day. And you'll feel the difference. And, it's safe! It might taste a lil...icky..hehe. but it's alrite. You only take a sip a day anyway. It's not like choking yourself with a jug of 'jamu kunyit'. You can even mix it up with your dishes. Just don't cook with it. It'd be useless.

Anyway. a lil precaution. For you who DO have illnesses. Prepare for the reaction which might be..enduring. It works like detox. If you're healthy, then It would certainly boosts your energy. But when you're not, it detox your body. VERY effectively. So people might get skeptical in their--actually--remedition. But if not...HURRAY!! Then you ARE healthy as horse! hawehah...

er...Do I sound like a salesman? hm? Neah..Hm...

But, it's very important to choose a good oil though. The bad ones wouldn't stay long. It changes color, and taste bad. I always buy mine from Biology ITB. Good Ones. Cheers!! FOR HEALTHIER LIFE!! HOHOHO

*pic : grabbed from flickr, by Jan. dunno who he is, BUt he's done Great Job on his photos! Salute!! and of course. stupid editting by me. just trying new things.

The Great Primordial...Kewl Stuff

2007-04-02T10:59:00.000+07:00

My friend Jo dropped a link just now.

I Checked it out,

Totally Impressive.

I'm sharing it to you now...Check it OUt Guyz!

http://www.nikon.co.jp/main/eng/feelnikon/discovery/universcale/index_f.htm

I might wanna add something up later...
Reminds me of uhm...Man In Black credit scene...ihihi...

Just wanna lay still

2007-03-20T10:55:00.000+07:00

Sure I'd like to know where I'll be
who I'm taking lunch with
eight to five on the reports
and how the meeting goes

Hmm but as for now I'll just lay still

Sure I'd talk bout my future
Thousands hours in the zillion light years
Have I daughter or son
Cute grandaughter and sons too

In time, my dear
I'll answer all those question

As for now, leave me alone
I'll just lay still

Some fine day we'll go walking

Giggling, idle talking, sharing every feeling and moments
May, or may not be crooked, but sure hand in hand
Who are you? sure I'd know

as for now, I'd just lay still

...and close my eyes...

... for a moment ...

Later on there’ll be time for so much more

....

(while listening to Jamie Cullum's "But For Now")

Hhmmhh *sigh*...Why's the transition seems to tough, from 21 to 22? Well, it may not be the number afterall. Though I always thought 21 as...'I'm-only-twenty-something-leave-me-do-whatever-I want'. But now, it's totally different. My priority. and All stuffs. Heck all stuffs. What stuffs?... Hey don't blame me on my jobless state!

No No, it's just this year, 2007 is supposed to be grande for me. Well, I suppose everyone in the same stage of life as I am now is or has..or had experienced the same thing. You know. As if I'm now in a middle of a big junction. There are path I'd taken and I might don't wanna look back nor enter. There are also paths I'd taken, I'd miss taking those paths but goes to totally different direction, to those paths of my new goals. There'd certainly be paths where I think I'm now aiming at. Looking so bright on the other side. Hmm...lurking me to enter it...And of course there'd be paths behind those building I just cannot see just yet.

Anyway shouldn't I be too confused, coz afterall there's only one specific path made for us, aitee?!. But hey it's hard not to! coz I never know which is meant to be.

Talking bout those paths I give up upon. There had been many of my dreams that I'd turned my head away from. Well, suppose now I'll have to try to turn my head away once again. It's hard though...

What is it? hehee..nothing important. But it has been part of my dearly life, a BASIC routine for these last 8 years. Hell I'll miss it. But So Long Dear!

Jazzy-Frenzy!!

2007-03-06T13:58:00.000+07:00

Wuuohhooo!!! RRAaaaahhh!!!! JAMIieee!!!!

*euphoria mode - on*

JavaJazz, 4th march 07

=A Photo collage from my ewh...stupid camera...=

= so sorry I was not armed : but It was GREAT!! FUN FUN=

Want more photos? Also see my tabblo on the show, here

Decapitate, Remove, Stick, Glue...et Voila!

2007-03-02T07:00:00.000+07:00

Ihihihi....can you see the difference? I change into formal clothe in matter of layers. It's for my graduation photo. I have no mood on taking a new picture of me, So I have this instead.

Yea Yea I'm a photoshop geek. So what?

Bits of Bliss. . . .=D

2007-03-01T21:50:00.000+07:00

Have you ever just sit, or drive, or walk aimlessly,
no pretense, without rushing anything into your head...,
or even anything outta your head...

to be just the way all senses are supposed to be.
just to s e e, to h e a r, and to f e e l...
...and to s m i l e...as your heart pleases...
...or disgusted...as your soul despise
...or to be stunned in awe...
...or...just..., ehm, .....nothing...

Well, of course you have.

Or else, you'd be a maniacly depressed...
... for not ever letting your senses breathes once and a while...

No, No, Of course you're not. Well, at least for those without melancholic personality would find it a bit harder...hehe...

Well i'm not. even little things can make me smile. and shrud for a while. People may say I'm weird for paying too much attention to such nifty things...so would they think. Hmm...

Like I stop walking and just stand when the leaves fall from their twigs...

Like I slow down my speed when I see bursts of sun rays shimmers in a morning haze...

Like I always take glance to the vast green football field on my morning jog..wishing to just open my running shoes, run above it and just make both of my feet wet of morning dew...

Like when I run in the morning, I look up upon the sky, to see whether Venus is still peeking from space out there...

Like I shruds seeing two old couples hand in hand...

Like I love seeing the reflection of traffic and car lights on wet asphalt in a cloudy after-rain-noon...

Like how I could see kiddos from the street shivers behind my hazy windshield, with the red traffic light in the background...stunned. feel empty.confused.

Like how I love to lay down during all night walk in the jungle, flexed my back and see the stars above...

Like how I miss each full moon .... and if i get lucky, with the halo surrounds it.

Like when I'm in high places, I imagine I jumped, rolled twice and fall like an acrobatic, paranoia, I know. I even see my body down there laying. in a very awkward position.

Like how I could stand strenous exercise, to have my muscles all cramped up. Just to 'feel' that all are still intact. From head to toes and each finger tips.

Like I jolted happily finding two twigs of mushrooms growing in a vast clover prairie by the seaside.

Like I love to see plastic bag swirled by the wind caressing it...and just never hit the ground.

Like I'm happy just to smile to a stranger, and to see their smiling face back at me.

Like I dear to see birds flying in V-shaped formation...not over my head, please, though.

Like I hate to see those kinda watch which slides incessantly. Not giving me any time just to stay and feel.

Like I love to see children playing, without any burden whatsoever, smiles tugging on their innocent cute faces. So free.. hehehe...can I play too?

Hhh...At these times, how much I wished I have my camera around, then I'd grab and capture the moment, the super brief persecond. Coz I know, my scattered brain wouldn't archive it better than my camera.

I know it's so cliche...but It's NOT making anybody a lunatic, ain't it? --well of course there's boundaries...hehe--And anyway, everybody needs some quality idle time, don't they!

So, Relax.

Just sit, stay, still, or just slow down your pace and . . . . f e e l . . . .

***

*ey, the list might grow...so come back later...

we live only once on this bee-uu-teee-fyyuuuulll world. =D

Can't Tell That It's Wrong

2007-02-14T05:07:00.000+07:00

I watched it twice.
Once myself, and another one with the whole family.
It's a good-to-know movie. indeed.

It's the inconvenient truth, a documentary of global warming by AL Gore. By the time I post this posting, I well recognize that most of y'all have already seen it too. but what the heck. I'm posting in anyway.

I'm no scientist nor geophyscist, I was naively utterly shuddered by the film. Of course, apart from the fact that al gore is campaigning for the sake of his stepping up to the white house, the whole message is so emminent. bravo for the way he's making it all clear. Hope it's not mere a politicized science. Though I know lotza people perceived it that way. ~_~.

Global warming is a complex phenomenon, and its full-scale impacts are hard to predict far in advance. But each year scientists learn more about how global warming is affecting the planet, and many agree that certain consequences are likely to occur if current trends continue.

well of course if you wanna know bout "Global warming" and its consequences, you can always see the movie youself. See how you perceive it, believing it and trying to (at least) contribute a lil bitty for the act of reducing your emission, or merely shrug and,"d-Uh. I won't be living when the whole world ends anyway. Let the next generation to figure this thing out. C'est pas a moi !".

To a staggering facts, there plenty of people who comes up with the latter opinion. They just don't believe it. or don't want to believe it. hands up. see this over http://answers.yahoo.com, here's what people say towards the (I'd say) GRANDE issue of mankind.

"Even the people who say it might, say we need 15 to 20 years. Where have we heard that? In 1994 I heard we need 20 years to prove global warming, but we can't afford to wait because if we're wrong, it will be too late to stop it. Well, it's 20 years, and they still say, "We need more time. We can't afford to wait."

and another, worse one.

"The real debate on global warming is over. You can stop funding it today and no one would give two hoots. Very few people still believe man has no effect on it.

We don't have to keep spending money to convince the rest of you guys.

You know some people believe Satan planted dinosaur bones to make humans doubt the existence of God.

It takes all kinds."

See? people are all speculative, not in sense to embrace the risk (as in speculative broker or some sort), but in avoiding the fact! I know it's a bit unease to see the whole trend, until 2005, and how AlGore and the team forecast how will it go for the next 50 years. For you who have watched it, remember the figure? it's crazily off the pattern, way up above for the temperature and CO2 on the air from the history of last billion years. If I were an econometric or statistics tutor, I would certainly doubt it. But hey it'scientifically proven. well at least, I cannot object the whole fact behind the crazy-outlier-dot that it comes up with. I'd zip up. gripping chair.

I myself have the evident myself. I haven't lived that long on this planet. only 21 years. But I can say Bandung, the lovely city that I've been well acquainted w/ for the whole of spanning 21 years, is one of the victim. Can I say victim? Coz I believe global warming is NOT mere climate changes, but is human interfered phenomenon.

I remembered each morning I went to school at 7.30 and love to see the air puff for each breath that I take.

Now? I cleared off the track for jogging at 7.30. It's way hot.

I HARDLY remembered the time when I got soaked by sweats for doing nothing.

Now? no no, you won't get sweat for not doing anything, but let's sit outside, and see how you're complexion becomes waaayy darker in the afternoon. the SUN is evil!

I ONLY remembered rainy days during my childhood (well at least rainy-days are better archived than sunny-days in my brain): rain during tennis course, the cushion of my shoe's soaked like sponge, swimming on the narrow pit behind school, filling with rain water, flooded even. soaked wet when I get to classrooms. swimming in the rain. jogging in the rain!. sleeping in my rain coat, as I loved it so much, a very handy thing in all days. I was even told to play in the rain.Rain is my companion.

Now? Oh yea, there are times when the weather goes so Bandung-like. like these last one month. But I can say that I remembered more of stinging sunny day than rainy days these days. These days, Bandung-like-weather is so treasurous. Rite?

It happens in only 10 years. it's so emminent, the change (If I can say) is gradual but RAPID for sure. AND! Not to mention Jakarta Flood which is increasingly devastated year by year. one of the sign, dear. one of the sign. It's not mere JayaBaya revelation.

I can say the ice break and of course the endless swimming polar bear is way more tear-dropping. But at least I can tell that it's true.

Well, I suppose it suggests me to dump my VolksWagen car due to its inefficient emmision. ^_^ just Wonder when hybrid car's as cheap.

I'm not much an environmentalist. BUt i love to sit in the outdoors, hearing birds chirping, and smell the grass after rain. I love sleeping outside watching stars. I love running in bushes. I love hearing the sound of wind caressing the leaves resembles the gush of sudden water at nights. I love soaking my sore feet in the streaming clear water in a narrow creek. I love to run wild in an open grass...hhhh...

Can't I wish my granddaughter to have the same compassion, too? will they even have the chance to?

NB : hmmmm, do you know that Palm Oil production emits more CO2 and hence, we're now second to contribute towards CO2 emission on this world? Gotta find the figure first. though. I 'll let you know.

Picture :A postcard from Ujung Kulon, 1 January 2006, such a fun way to start a new year! hihihi

Tabblo-ing. Flickr's days out.

2007-02-06T01:53:00.000+07:00

Current Pleasure : Tabblo-ing. This is WAY better than flickr in some ways. =D wheew. throw out my first tabblo ever...it's fun. Fun Fun !

See my Tabblo>

*itchy to make some more!!!

arggh!! can't do can't do!
gotta do that (bloody) competitor analysis, Brit! sssssshhhh!!!!

*smashing head*...

btw, just seen "the inconvenient truth"(the Al-GOre's film bout Global Warming) this morning. helluva eye-opener. chair gripping. erh. I've got to write more bout that. later guys!

a Year in a Post

2007-02-04T07:50:00.001+07:00

If I have to answer "What were you doing in 2006" in only a word :

"TA" is the answer. It's not that I had spent the whole year luring on that bloody final assignment of my undergraduate study, but I'd been mingling with the subject for actually a year. Let's make a time line throughout the year, and see how the subject always emerges in each time of the year, though the curve is not at all steady. ihihi...

January :

Best New Year Ever @ Ujung Kulon. Had been mingling w/ previous topic for my TA (final assignment, d-Uh) : "Early Warning System for Financial Crise", bLaha Blaha...get lotza support from those from the central bank. But, hey, I haven't got a decent advisor. so I'm bit of a volant. But I'd known quite much bout this topic. =D

February :

Get an intriguing offer for that (should I say, silly-ish) movie to Aceh. Can't help the urge to go. ssshh..Anyway, I haven't got any decent advisor for my bloody TA. So? Why bother. Hihihihihi..I was still hoping to continue the previous topic. Read here and there.

March :

Went to Aceh for first surveying. Found new best friends. Helluva month. Loving it. But TA? Oh, got assigned to my later advisor, Mr. T.Y. He's fine. but was sorry for abandoning you sir. Hasn't yet collected the soul.

April :

Hasn't much time to spend in Bandung, gtg back to Aceh for shooting. Was there for 4 weeks. Sorry for as3 for leaving the first 3 chaptres of 'permodelan dan simulasi'...uhuhu...TA? Intrigued by a new topic offered.can't say that it's less interesting from the previous topic I came with, so I did incline. It's actually interesting, and according to a friend, I should take somthing comprehensive, it IS. =D Moreover, ABS (Asal Bapak Senang). But still, can't stay long, sir. sorry. uhuhu...

May :

Went back from Aceh. Thought I'd get on straight to the matresses (of that TA)....Well, I was excited to start it. But then, another offer to manage a children photography classes comes. SSssshhh....One thing that I dunno whether I should feel blessed about or regret about, is that I decided to do EVERYthing that I wouldn't be able to do after graduation, last year. That includes the film making and working with children project. Hmh, anyway I feel challenged to transfer my photo-know-about to bunch of kids. So I AGAIN incline. a stuuupiiiddd decision, I later found. TA? getting on scratch. Rough ones. Whhoouuuhh, it's a prototype, so the contextual diagram got craaazzieee as I can modify it as my heart pleases!!

June :

School-long holiday, that means, got crazed by Pustakalana Project. But I found myself immersed with the occasion. Working w/ kids was hellouuuvvaaa experience!!! Loving it, Got much to tell, Got much to learn about. Specially bout how to deal w/ kids, and their characteristics, and how different parents could affect profoundly into their personalities. TA? a lil abandoned... Got hell dizzy by TOEFL and GRE tests to take the next month. Haven't got any space in my skull left vacant, it's Way overloaded, par exact! I overestimated myself. a disease that I found out the later month.

July :

Still on the project. How much I depraved of how the whole occasion really consumes my time. And I was incapable of controlling it. Hell I got way much geuuudddd time, but was it that worth it? I HAS TO, i thought. But I couldn't help. I had 4 to think bout : the project, GRE, TOEFL on 18 july, and TA. Somehow the priority got jumbled. My TOEFL was ok, but my GRE rolls down the cliff. Puffff!!. Break down. break down. The project, was under control, but my TA, left in despair, is totally abandoned that month. I could only do a (trivial) Business Process Reengineering for initial design stage that month. I found out that I couldn't partition my brain that much.

August :

Finally, on the 23rd, the exhibition toiled up. I can then MOVE on from that (despite the fun and the experience), bloody project. I got down to the mattresses. TA time. Got really efficient using my time on the subject, Got all defined, quantitively. Whewww...realizing the scope alrite, but the load!?!!#!$ Wheeww...If I ever get graduated on nOvember, it's a miracle. But I Had, however, put the lights on. I burnt down the ship. Thanks to the fellows who encourages me to do so.

September :

Got blisters from chicken pox. stupid one. Think I got it while doing data-mining at BPS. Anyways, got excuse for abandoning the ship once again. But after that, Got totally crazed burning down the ship. But didn't make it anyway. Realizing, according to a friend, if i ever graduated in November, I might could, but I might got a C, anyways. Awh. But thanks for knocking my head, mate. I realized that what I plan, is not always His. I found out that the bloody and ugly blisters, was actually my saviour.

October :

Ok, no more fun-fun off the hook. TA TA TA all the time!! I overestimated myself. I underestimated the topic. It was not at all easy. Had finished the bloody model prior to Lebaran, but hadn't got a chance to report it to Mr. T.Y. He got sick. ewh. But found Roni, an excel-VBA programmer. It's totally crazy to learn bout the syntax and all myself. I handed the job to him, I share my tears along, too, of course as the consequence. He told me 2 weeks and that's all. But that's not the case.

November :

Still hoping to graduate in 2006. Depraved of how the program is not yet finished. 2 weeks? d0Uh. 3 weeks, not done. the end of the month? done, but with ENDLESS debugging cases! ssshhhhhs!!! the program, according to the programmer is NOT AT ALL EASY. wwouuhh. glad that I didn't take the risk doing it myself! it could take another whole year. Still lingering on the program, found bit model modification while I was still refining and refining the data (while waiting on the program..). Agricultural data. THey hardly have decent ones out there! Hah!

December :

The last month. is actually shorter than expected. My program has finally come to a decent shape. but the debugging's not done. ITs depraving. no wonder I have no interest in programming whatsoever. I was still luring on formatting, had no clue what to do because the program's not done, while realizing how much work to be done even after the program's done. Anyway, finally at 29th December, finally got--- I dunno what's the name--- "finale-revised-program" delivered. Got cramped up at Multimedia room for coupla days during new years days....found another bug at 31st, delivered it back again. So lOusyy...Spent the new years eve at home infront of my laptop, such a contrast to how I started 2006. Oh. Realized that I can count days to my DEAD DEAD DEAD Due!!!

End of 2006 : Mission UN accomplished. ~_~ hux.

January :

Finally I could run the program at 1st. found another bug that the automatic replication for Monte Carlo method cannot be done properly. But at least I can run the program until the end of run-time. Although one running needs approx 1.5 hours, and I had to run of about...32 scenarios x 15 runs=480 runs which means 720 hours running!!! I used 8 PC's, so distributed the load, I needed approx 90 hours running!! I replicated manually. The saviour programmer offered to fix the problem, but he hadn't finished until 7th jan. By that time, I had spent nights dan daysss again at Multimedia, accompanied by lovely friends o' mine...thanks y'all.., and didn't think of using the LAST decent program afterall. I had to start packaging! BUNGKUS! finshed running the program on the 10th or so. not knowing how to analyze the simulation result. But had it done (cramped up with numbers, analyze, and all, almost the last 2 chaptres) quite nicely in just 7 days!. It could be better, but then I wouldn't be able to graduate on time. heck. what the fuss. I just wanted it to be done in the devil!. Not to mention The endless Revising, thanks due to Mr. T.Y who's so much perfectionist in intricate details. making the scattered-typed of me way much neater-all-in-line after all this fuss. Got an interview for a scholarship on 13--went nicely. and on 19, my final defense. and I was graduated! YEaah!!! Coulnd't be more grateful. I was satisfied with what I had accomplished. I had been ALL OUT. All the hard work, All paid up to the last sweat, tears and caffeine drop (well at least I didn't shed blood, hehe) ! The whole process, the whole learning of my true-self. I'd truly been blessed. Couldn't ask for more. Alhamdulillah.

^_^

So. What's next? Finger crossed everyone. finger crossed.

pict : (tak lagi) bimbingan. Mr.T.Y the perpeksionista tutor, joQ and I @ Black Canyon Coffee, Parijs van Java

Will miss these times. Have already feel lost of what I felt such bloody 'a pain in the a**' final assignment.

take a deep breath...one...two...three...

2007-02-03T04:05:00.000+07:00

Once again.

This is the time when my mind go mushed.
Defragmanting itself after quite some time.
Reorganizing. My priorities. My life. My dream. My actions.
The way I see L I F E . Mine, par exact.
Tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.

*sigh...

But suppose my mind wouldn't ever be organized.
It'd always been scattered. so me.

I'm so much bewildered in my own skull. But I have to...Uh.
Take a deep breath. One...Two... Three..

Ya Allah, please show me the way.

~_~

*) Brain-Defragmanter: a sketch I made for MTI consulting few years back, re-dodging it here and there. Feel free to grab if you'd like.

caffeine : cra-ve-in : ca-ve-in

2007-01-28T06:37:00.000+07:00

This is...hm, about another thing that I occasionally crave on. er, I should say occasionally, yeah. But that occasion apparently comes in er...everyday. almost. well, in MOST days. ^_^

It's about caffeine. especially heavilly cremed and low sugar which I prefer it's served the most ;p. Caffeine, is one of my dope during hard nights. Defining hard nights, they're those nights when you know you HAVE to wake up until mid-morning, squishing every drip of your myelin coated white tissues up there, for the sake of something REALLY meant to be done. at TIME. For me, it'd only work until mid-morning, that is of bout 3am or so. Needing more hours, I'd get another dope. but not from another caffeine rush in my vein. I'll tell you bout the other energy-boost later.

I'm not an addict. Oh please don't call me one. I really don't intend to. I don't drink it for pleasure. Even if I hang out in a very hip Starbucks corner downtown, I wouldn't order for one if I don't intend to have long nights. It's just that I need it. without it, I'd fall asleep at 9 or 10, and would miss my super-productive hours, ranging from 10pm - 2am. Er...Especially that my brain's somehow not working well at noon. tsk. I hate it. but can't help it.

I've been indulged by coffee since I was a kid--my mother actually shove some coffee in my milk, or else I wouldn't drink it. And, being a regular consumer, would surely bring more concern about it's pro-cons, especially these last 6 months that I've never been absent from a mug caffeine charge EACH day, until last week =D. I'd searched for some 'verification' that it's actually is good--well, it it's not good, then 'O.K' wouldn't hurt--, but I of course cannot help to pass the negative aspects as well. I'd bring it all up for you to notice as well now. Oh, this points below are well proven, scientifically.

Pros of regular caffeine rush in the blood :

-It makes you happy--a keynote speaker on a seminar drinking a JUG of coffee during his speech actually said this. I certainly buy.
-It makes your brain working, like a d i e s e l.
-It's... hey, cannot say its not yummy. prefer this compares to my other dope.
-It wouldn't affect pregnancy. (of course not, in medium basis, under 300gr)
-It treats asthma
-It makes you smarter, it actually increases 10% of your processor speed. mean it.
-It aids concentration during prayer! it's a research done by Sufis of Yemen
-It improves athletic performance. It really does.
-It reduces car accident, drivers should have coffees and rests. and ALL THE WAY!
-It actually prevent heart attacks, in certain conditions, as it promotes faster blood flow. wwuuhh!
-It boosts metabolism. love it. and that's why it boosts energy too.
-It has varieties of flavour to even more delighting your tastebuds: hazelnut, irish, classics, kakao,
woooffhh...and varieties of coffees it self. can't name one by one.
-It makes over 6000 starbucks even bloodily richer!--can't be sure : is it a pro or con?

Cons of excessive shots :

- Too much anxiety-literally means, It makes you happier! Yee HAaa
- Interferes w/ normal sleep- hey, if normal sleep is 8 hours per day, I'd WANT it interfered! life ain't long to have its one-third wasted in dreams. It's a DESIRED effect. Please. but maybe not for you who's got insomnia.
- More depression. irratability. Ok I don't want this but for me who's so calme as a person, a little spark on the emotion wouldn't hurt, would it? ;p

- Makes the bladder work harder -well, I suppose we're dumping excessive water in our body. It's
like detox, rite? we might dump evil diseases! It boost the metabolism, and
anyway, we can always drink afterwards.
- Makes your teeth less white-hm, but that's when pearlite substances in toothpastes comes in handy.
- Promotes loss of pottasium and calcium, hence delaying time for sore muscles recovery. --Well that's funny, because I just read that It actually could mild sore muscles if you consume it before exercising! I'd buy the latter one, of course. But I might consider it during pregnancy. I need my calcium alrite
- Aggravate heart problems -well, it's actually beneficial for those having low blood pressure. But hypertension and coronary disease ain't so hip either. watch out.
- Nervous disorder - Oh yah, can't fix this. But we're smart enought to know when to stop, ay?

source : Googleing, Yahooing, Listening, Reading and Living.

Point is, everything TOO MUCH is ain't good. On how much your body response to it, differs from one person to another. For me, one mug is enough for healthy stroll through the nite, two is already too much and am only using itfor emergencies. But I'd certainly pass it in no-need circumstances. I'd also pass sachet coffees which are VERY HIGH of sugar, I'd tolerate 9g of sugar or less, which is very rare in sachet packages. I'd absolutely pass coffee w/ artificial sugar, as aspartam. Those are evil. That way I could be sure that coffee would still be my loyal dope, from time to time.

Of course, life without caffeine is waaaayyyy safer. After 6 months constant boozing in, this last whole week I haven't been consuming any and i feel ok, especially that my muscles been strained and toren apart during everyday exercises--I yesterday could get to 16 laps jogging, again!, since I dunno, 3 years ago?!-- and I feel really great, w/ regular sleep hours of 6 hours a day. But it's a very temporal privilege time. I'm not hoping it to last long, though.

But why does caffeine has be in non coffee drink as well? I don't drink much sodas, but in choclate beverages!#@!? Argh...are you kidding me? is there anything with a decent taste that I can safely drink?! Even juices aren't nice w/out LOTZA sugar!

okai, nuff said. got tons to do today! C ya!

So Much for the Environmentalist.

2007-01-13T14:35:00.000+07:00

A very good friend of mine dropped by last week end. A big surprise that I hadn't been seeing him for some while. Another surprise was that he bought me a souvenir from Sukabumi, his home town. He held it very carefully and handed it to me. A bigger surprise : it's not any usual souvenir!! It's turtle's eggs!! AAAWWWW!!! Well, suppose I shouldn't be promoting another species extinction out of this world, but I couldn't resist either. they say the eggs are good for low-tension, so on so on. So I kept 'em. And until now, I don't believe that I should eat them. or I could. would I?. Aw, so much now, I have much to tell but next week I suppose, would be a better time to continue this post (haven't got time, but I do got time to make myself a greeting card, below). ..ihihi...
Anywei, everybody, despite the depraving sin, wish me luck.

***

It's been a week after the actual post date. Come to think of baby-turtles, I'm now considering myself as one. See? I'm like a baby turtle who just crawled up to the sea. touching the salty water for the first time, eager to know the world underneath the sea surface...And I'm in. Swimming for the first time. Anyway,

And oh it's still feel so awful to have them for supper! I haven't actually, they're still in my fridge, but sure you wouldn't expect them to hatch there, rite? Anyway, imagine a baby turtle, by the time they're struggling to get out from their egg shell, they're already alone. Not to mention the harsh seaside journey they'd have to endure, in a very very slow pace, reaching for the water. Outta few dozens, maybe only few that could actually reach the sea and swim underneath it. The others, are probably just didn't make it, encountered a feisty sea bird, or a crab, or a sea lion. hehe...gee, I don't really know what's goin on out there for these little creatures, it must be really harsh. But the most pitiful of'em are those, who's been picked by senseless man outta their holes, even before it hatches, got it handed over coupla hands for a souvenir (#$@#!), souvenir for another senseless creature (er, like me) and ended up in a cold fridge in a kitchen.

On those labeled XS.S.M.L.XL

2006-11-25T20:56:00.000+07:00

What?.....oh, we're talking bout Size?! What Size?

It's the ultimate discussion topics among..err..girls. women par exact.

oh, ok. THAT size.

No, No...not THAT size. (whatever you're thinking about :p hehe)

We're talking bout the size of EVERYthing. every inch.From head to toe that is.

It does matter doens't it? each inch?

Hm... YEa. IT. IS. I believe.

And so would majorities of people would think.

Don't deny it. Everytime girls gather round, if it's not gossiping or shopping, this issue will emerge, don't ask me why. There's always been the urge. You boys would certainly have been in a situation where you goes like,"Why are you girls talking bout that all the time?!". Don't be a hypocrit, I know you guys are in fact equally concern bout your sizes as well, don't you? Hehe.

Some people, well, in fact most women are not satisfied with their current weight and, there must be something about their body that they're not comfortable with. Myself is very much cautious of my weight. I'm not genetically skinny. Being fat, is in the gene. my every auntie goes *sorry for the pick-o-word* 'swollen' after they delivered their first baby. My weight has been increasing steadily over the years. one kilo for each year. I wonder what would happen later on. ~_~.

But anyway, I'm happy with my current weight. Had been trying to put off some..but never made it. well if it HAD had succeed one day--yes, it had, once or twice--,It was because I was hardly sleeping for 3 days, or,was ill, or, was having diarhea for sometimes. Of course, then, I'd shriek happily , "Iyeeii!!"...and would immediately go jogging to Sabuga, to burn some more and always, I'd be flaked out-of-breathe only after 3 laps jogging. Urgh. And go eat afterwards. Hh...Hehe. So I'll stay tune. I HAVE to be happy.

Heh? It's not the issue, though.

I hate mannequins. beauty magazines. ads. anything goes with 'diet' : diet-tea, diet pills, low-fat-sugar, in coffees, in waffers, in biscuits, fashionTV.Their ads. tsk. They surely promote low self esteem! Despite the default BMI calculation that your weight should equal to your height minus (100 + 10% your height), due to constant exposure to things stated above, girls nowadays would dream for another 5 to 10 or moreover for those walking on the catwalk, might dream for even 30 kilos lower(!) than suggested. I wonder how it sounds, having 30 kilos below you're supposedly fit. I bet It'd go "click clack cluck" everytime you move! Not to mention all the risks : Bulimic, anorexic, Myelin shrunken by aspartam, Impotency, and of course, all the favour you tounge would miss for not eating G-O-O-D Meals, and they have to pay more for those diet packs!!, twicefold the grieve! Beauty if no doubt, painful. But is it that worth it? What's your aim exactly? If it's not for mere health and being fit, what else? for the sake of what people 'see' of what's ideal? Hard. H a r d .

Undeniably, people perception on the 'ideal' --if there's such thing as ideal- size has shifted time to time. Imagine Maria Antoinette, or any Greek sculptures. They'd have a figure of a 'nowdays' fat lady. It represents wealth back then, and no doubt, it's perceived as beautiful--Of course! d-Uh, they're making sculptures outta them!. But now, it's simply not ideal. Why? since when? I also wonder.

Have you tried weight machine that goes say your state of weight after you put in coins? The machine would say OUT LOUD, whether you're 'overweight', 'OK', or 'slim', according to your height and weight. I've tried that once in a hip plaza downtown (saahh..blah!). First humiliation,putting the coin itselves would make "Cling cling" soundFX, crazily LOUD, loud enough to make anyone in 10 meter radius turns their head, thinking "who's on the machine?", and watch. Then you'll be observed and after few pause, there goes the statement. I, in that circumstance would hope have that I'd be called "slim" instead of "OK". Why? I dunno. I guess slim is finer than OK. How come? Is it just me? If it's not, why most dress always looks good in slim people? Is it because the designer's made em based on manequin's figure or catwalk models? Yea. No wonder. It might be, uh, tragically.

Supporting the global concern on body size, Discovery channel had done some research. I'd watched the program long time ago, but here's what I remember. They asked buncha peoples to categorize several portraits into 'not so beautiful' and 'beautiful'. They concluded there are patterns : They specified several attributes such as 1)symmetry. People having each parts of their body symmetrical to the other side, supposedly are more beautiful. It also occurs in vast kinds of bugs, where they prefered mates with symettrical patterns on both sides. 2) Rare. People with figures or colours uncommon to their environment, are regarded more beautiful. That's why 'bule' are adooorred here. and we might as well be if stranded in other coloured region. ihihi..and 3) Other features, such as high cheek bones, narrow lips, pointy nose are also add values. Blah.

Other than that, they'd also observed several people which are regarded 'beautiful' globally. Of course the candidates for the observation goes to celebrities such as Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, you name all beauties!, They'd concluded that there are absolute 'beauty' number : its 1.67 Everything goes with 1.67 (One point six seven). Your lower arm should be 1.67 than your upper arms. Toe to waist should be 1.67 longer than waist to head. Your head diameter should be 1.67 to your neck. etc etc etc...Amazingly They've got the map for all the measurement. See? Beauty and Ideal size is now very much defined. It's that complex.

What boys are thinking might be different to what girls. Each sexes perception on the ideal size is different from what the other gender would perceive on their 'ideal' size. While girls would be happier being more skinny, bulging bones, boys would go to 'more curvy' hawhah...In fact, I believe boys--underconsciously--prefer big hips and boobs, because you guys are searching for ideal 'mother', promoting bodies for delivery and breastfeeding. Mere hypotetical, though.

One thing, belly dancing is not as fun without the flabs. *grin*. I really think so, don't you think so?

I can't deny I'm obsessed with my size. But I louuurrve eating, and I have big frames, so diet wouldn't lead me anywhere lighter. I suppose, 'being in ideal size' is, erhm..no flabs, slightly toned, being able to run 10 laps in a row, and not getting exhausted for the whole day, looking always good in dress rooms, not having to cut off extra length on a pair of new trousers (except for Guess' jeans, they're excruciatingly high heeled!!), having your dream shoes ALWAYS available in your size, no flaaanggee.., no cottage cheeseee..., no choclate crave....no...Oh, stop it. you're losing it Brit.

*sigh*

*)photos worked out from kicey's . I ALWAYS ADORE HER WORKS. One-o-my idol-photographer. ^_^

Di Ujung Ngulon Indonesia

2006-11-23T22:06:00.000+07:00

Kali ini, foto2 yang diupload berasal dari hunting Aceh yang pertama, waktu survey pra-produksi film Awan, Maret 2006. Cuma 4 hari, kita kliling Aceh bagian Barat: Banda, Meulaboh, pulang lewat Calang. Waktu yang singkat. Jadwal yang padat.Tapi hunting waktu survey tentunya lebih poll dibanding set photos yang pertama (yang diambil saat produksi, yang tentunya harus curi-curi waktu untuk memotret diantara jadwal2 syuting)....Waktu survey ini benar2 digunakan untuk mengenal Aceh, orang-orangnya, kulturnya, alamnya, dan segala upaya disaster relief yang dilakukan berbagai pihak. Hah! entahlah bagaimana caranya mengenal ujung barat Indonesia yang luar biasa luasnya ini dalam waktu 4 hari saja. Saya sendiri pesimis waktu itu. Tapi toh, kita harus tetap pulang membawa hasil.

Waktu saya datang, saya nggak tahu Aceh dulunya seperti apa. Sejarahnya seperti apa, Bagaimana konflik aceh dulu bermula untuk pertama kalinya, Bagaimana ketakutan warga Aceh selama konflik terjadi...., Bagaimana mereka bingung kepada siapa mereka harus berlindung, GAM atau ABRI (atau badan lain yang sengaja mempropagandakan....)karena semuanya sama ganasnya, Bagaimana mereka ketakutan untuk keluar malam2 karena takut tubuh mereka ditemukan dalam bentuk onggokan mayat keesokan paginya, ....Bagaimana Islam bisa menjadi simbol yang sangat mewakili Aceh, bagaimana Aceh sebelum dilanda bencana tsunami yang super dahsyat itu...,Bagaimana mereka diombang-ambing oleh terjangan air---yang astaghfirullah gak bisa kubayangkan kek apa....dan betapa rasa kehilangan yang dirasakan oleh warga Aceh atas sodara-sodara mereka... hmm, betapapun seringkali mereka menceritakan kisah tragis itu dengan tawa, kadang lucu rekamannya di otak, tapi yang jelas, bekas sayatannya masih menganga segar, terpahat dalam pada garis muka mereka, terpatri dalam perilaku, dan kamu, jelas tidak akan ikut tertawa seperti mereka.

Selama 4 hari pertama survey, ada beberapa yang saya amati :

1. Aceh itu SANGAT KAYA, luas, dan KAYA, sekali lagi !Oh, dan Indah. Subhanallah.

2. Warung Kopi Berserakan dimana-mana...hobi mungkin? malah katanya pejabatnya juga hobi nangkring di Warkop!Hm...bersosialisasi mungkin...~_~ entahlah....tapi yang jelas, Kopinya emang makjus...hehe...n cukup buat bikin deg2an in trance semaleman.

3. Aceh, ramai oleh volunteer darimana-mana...kedai burger
berserakan juga. Tapi konon, seringkali banyak keluhan-keluhan dari aparat NGO akan bagaimana mereka diperlakukan balik. hayoo napaa hayoo?!...=( tapi begitulah, Aceh telah menjadi ladang uang, Cash influx, gak ada habisnya. Entah uangnya kek apa, n buat apa. Alhasil, CPI disana pun sudah menjomplang berlipat-lipat...apalagi di
daerah2....

4. Yang lucu, Semua Warung, toko, warkop, resto pinggir jalan punya kursi yang SAMA PERSIS PLEK-PLEK Bentuknya, dari Aceh sampai Meulaboh, bahkan menyebrang ke Sabang. Warna boleh macam-macam, tapi pasti adalah kursi leye-leye (tau kan, kursi besar yang enak banget buat duduk lama-lama, yang kdudukan pantatnya lebih rendah daripada lutut, PeWe Berat),
gak seperti di Bandung, yang rata-rata adalah bangku yang cuma muat setengah pantat. Wuah. entah siapa supplier n produsen kursi leye-leye itu, tapi pasti sudah KAYA berat!

5. Hmm..Entah siapa yang harus lebih ditakuti, Polisi Syariah atau Yang Diatas. Seringkali geli melihat pemandangan disana : Jilbab poll menutupi kepala, tapi tangan pendek kaos nan ketat. ~_~...Hope it's not becoming mere symbols, Islam. Oh y, kepikiran nonton konser di Aceh bersama keluarga? sepertinya harus bawa Hape masing-masing tuh...karena hijabnya dibagi 5 : Laki2 beristri, Laki-laki lajang, Wanita Bersuami, Perawan (halah bahasanya), dan Anak-anak...well, setidaknya itu menurut Badan Syariah Islam sana waktu kita minta izin membuat layar tancap untuk rakyat Aceh. *mumet juga* . Tapi gw takjub ama caranya mereka mempertahankan hukum syariah nya...ckckck..

6. Walau selama perjalanan kami disuguhi pemandangan yang totally stunning, tapi jalanan hutan antar kota masih rawan katanya...Terbukti supir kami ngebut terus2an sepanjang perjalanan, gak pernah mau berhenti padahal perjalanan bisa sampai 12 jam dari Meulaboh ke Banda Aceh. Konon dia pernah disandera GAM sampai 3 hari.Walau setelah disandera itu dia menyimpulkan klau orang GAM secara pribadi baik-baik, tapi kalau dilihat dari
ngebutnya siih...hmm...

7. Nggak ada bubur ayam trus Masakan goreng-gorengan : Nasi goreng, Mie Goreng pake bawang merah gak
digoreng dengan kuantitas yang nggilani. Banyak. HAAAHHH!! Feel the breathe. Menurutku, hehe, enakan Mie Aceh jalan Bali dibandingin Mie Aceh disana. Waduh. lidah ngaco nih.

8. Nyupir di Aceh, waduh. Boro-boro pake seatbelt, wong Kaga ada polisi lalintas, kaga ada lampu lalintas, hehe...Udah tau kan, klo supir Sumatera itu yang paling gape , nah. diantara supir2 sumatera, supir dari Aceh rajanya deh! oh ya, n lagi, orang-orangnya nekat, kek gak takut mati. Kenapa? Waduh, klo ditilik secara historis psikologis, bisa panjang observasi causal effectnya ya...Yuk Marii...

9. Hooh...Yang paling membuat takjub. Benar-benar kebesaran Allah. Hhh *bahkan sekarang pun saya menghela nafas..., takjub kalau mengingat pemandangan itu*......semua, and I mean ALL-SEMUA-EACH Masjid, dimanapun saya melihat: Banda Aceh, Ule Lueue, Lok Nga', Meulaboh, Calang, di kampung, di kota, dimanapun, tidak perduli jauh dekatnya dengan pantai, tidak perduli betapa rata tanah disebelah-sebelahnya, tidak perduli betapa sekitarannya sangat sepi penduduk akibat diterjang tsunami, ......setiap Masjid berdiri dengan kokohnya. ....subhanallah...

Haha...Observasi 4 hari gitu lho, mungkin beberapa memang tidak valid...Toh, ternyata terbukti salah juga waktu produksi, waktu sy berkesempatan mengenal lebih dalam beberapa orang asli Aceh. They're truly generous. Indeed. =D Miss you guys. Tapi ya, emang gak bisa totem pro parte ato pars pro toto juga sih. Hah, memang seharusnya saya gak ngejudge gimana2...mangap deh klo gitu..

Gambar yang ada dalam photoset semuanya diambil waktu survey untuk mencari set barak, maka kebanyakan berlatar barak dengan aktivitas warga didalamnya. Yang paling mencolok pada barak-barak yang dikunjungi (semuanya di Meulaboh), adalah anak-anaknya BANYAK sekali. Anak-anak memang makhluk yang paling menyenangkan untuk dijadikan objek foto. No pretense, senang berpose, dan PASTI lucu. ;p. Dan, semuanya lagi gemar2nya naik sepeda. Kebetulan juga lagi ada rally sepeda mini waktu itu. Entah darimana mereka dapat sepeda-sepeda itu. Mungkin beli, mungkin dikasih. Tapi semua nampak punya.

Anak-anak, sesuci apapun jiwa mereka, tidak mungkin tidak tersentuh oleh bencana maha dasyat yang telah menyelimuti kehidupan, dan menghujam mereka pada akhirnya. Terlalu lama mereka berada dibalik gelembungnya. Well, supposedly gelembung itu skarang sudah pecah. Reborn!

Teman-teman di Aceh, you'd betta stand for yourselves guys...2010 gak lama lagi lho...

*)) gambar atas kanan:alahmak. kampring pisan. bergaya TKI nyasar
di Ule Lueue Port, Banda Aceh.

an Epicure..et..allez cuisine! =p~

2006-11-08T21:21:00.000+07:00

Food, has become an ultimate source of happiness...wakakak...i'm so totally exagerating. but, yea it is. At least for me. I eat everything. Call me a meat-lover, veg-covet, dairy-addict, crave-for-sugar, pasta-la-masta! Hah!. Okai. I wouldn't be a substitute for Mr Bondan, the culiner traveler-the real epicure he is, but hey you'd be happy hanging around w/ me when your stomach's craving for supplies! =D especially when you're in a mood of treating. I'm in! I'm IN !

:D This last 2 month, I've been putting up a new hobby. It's actually the circumstance that'd put me in the --well, eventually I guess--new hobby. I've never been so homey since.. I dunno when! Ey! Hehe. but I'm loving it. yep I'm into the culinary stuff. I love having my PC in the kitchen, giving me instant access to all recipes on the net, while I could open the fridge, and dash a bit to chop and shimmer on the stove...Huumm...You tell me, but suppose according to Industrial Engineering layout design principles, my pc-kitchen layout, c'est parfait! ;p

This one is tonite's meal. This week we're having tongue meat. as we've got plenty from last Lebaran stock out from my hometown. It's practically all over the menu. =p, so tongue meat everyday, yesterday's spaghetti tongue, today's tongue-steak, tomorrow..[let me figure that out tomorrow]. Next week, I bet would be Brain Week. We've got pile of Cow's brain too !! iyeeii!! :D Love'em! Slurrpp...

Anyway, sorry for vegetarians! You've got all the pleasure to miss everything G-O-O-D on this 4 legged world of ours. Ehehe..But, Salute for all of you who are, for the sacrifices you've made. Hehe Ehe.

Nb : Btw, that lips ain't mine! Grab it up at bighugelabs.com

[Look Out the Window] On flights

2006-11-03T09:33:00.000+07:00

Dari dulu, selalu nyesel klo naek pesawat gak bawa kamera...kapan lagi si brada di atas awan...

Pas ke Aceh kemaren, karena emang tugasnya moto, kebetulan gembolan kamera selalu ada di pangkuan...kamera SLR 35 mm lho...I'm sticking with the conventional, that's the way I like it. --hiih...padahal kagak ada duit aja buat beli yang digital...kamera SLR ntu pun pinjaman dari Gosh..FE-2-ku terlalu jadul, keren, tapi kadang tidak praktis.

...ternyata teman2ku waktu itu lebih antusias motret diatas pesawat dibanding aku. SLRku pun dikudeta. Well, apa daya abis juga satu roll cuma buat moto2 luar jendela...sial, BOROSSS!!! pelm gitu lho, bukan digital. Buaanyak banget. gitu2 aja lagi gambarnya! Kalo gw paling ngabisin 3 frame juga dah cukup. Tapi d-Uh. mereka itu...prat pret prat pret kadang ngincer pramugari juga...malu2in...mana bunyi shutter nya, gak bisa di-Mute. mending tidur aja dah, pura2 gak kenal.

[Yah, ini hasilnya foto mereka. emang ga jelas moto apaan. banyakan langit blutek--gak segitunya d--, kebun klapa sawit keliatan dari atas--yah standar aerial fotografi lah, buat peta kali lucu, foto pramugrari (pengennya) tapi karena shutter lambat, jadi pramugarinya gak keliatan n cuma keliatan lorong pesawat yang berpendar kuning...hehe.. daripada ni foto2 gak jadi apa2...gw bikin beginian dah...sebenernya lagi eksperimen sok2 gaya viewfinder gitu,...coba2...goreng si, gak seperti yang diharapkan, emang dasar fotonya bgtu doang...tapi dibanding cuma nangkring di salah satu folder gw...Here you go]

Anyway, I ALWAYS hate flights. I hate the neverending tremor both on take off and landing. urgh. Apalagi pake maskapai yang menjanjikan 'sapapun bisa terbang', sayapnya mungkin nempel gara2 disilotip doang [iya lho, haha]. Ato, udah pernah pake Deraya? Kapal kecil penumpang cuma 20 ituu...ya ampun goyang nya...mengerikan...., Ato pengalaman dulu waktu kecil pake Bouraq, bisingnya....kek semuanya mo pretel pas mo take off....~_~ heuu...Tapi, teuteup, spare me a seat by the window! ^_^

Photoset : Aceh

2006-11-01T06:32:00.001+07:00

enjoy and please, comment! =D

menghitung TA...

2006-10-30T22:41:00.001+07:00

Ordinary chat session w/ della

nurVit: lu gimana TA ny dell
stradovilla: biasaaa
stradovilla: berjalan dengan lambreta
nurVit: *ssiiiggghhh...*
stradovilla: knapa?
nurVit: Lambret-TA
nurVit: sama2
stradovilla: hahahha
stradovilla: gara2 do-TA
stradovilla: ...
nurVit: jadi terlunTA lunTA
nurVit: maksa
stradovilla: ser-TA apa lagi?
nurVit: Ya Allah, hambamu meminTA...
nurVit: bukakanlah mataku yang buTA
nurVit: akan pentingnya TA
stradovilla: suTA lah
stradovilla:
nurVit: demi menyongsong masa T(u)A
stradovilla: ini paling maksa
nurVit: hawhawha..

*...sighh....*

Self-Sketch

2006-10-30T08:33:00.000+07:00

Scrabbi-do-daahh...

Kagak mirip si, tapi bae lah, nampang. =p

Ephemeral, Life is. But, ehm..Trivial?

2006-10-28T04:53:00.000+07:00

Hmm. It's perhaps so trivial, but it strucked me just now, opening 'upcoming birthday' tab on Friendster. --you guys who has an FS account sure know it!--anyway, what's made me a lil unease was that the first name appears on it. Arinal. Arinal's Birthday is TODAY. I sure remember that name, a long companion o'mine, since high school. I still remember when he entered class 2-2, just transfered from Brebes, which was also my hometown...I also remembered how he always smile, like no-matter-what-smile. On how he was always been teased by his friends, On how he was the icon 'cow'.... I then also remembered how I received the notice, of him died on the road back to Brebes 2 years ago.

*sigh*
Seeing his friendster page is like part of him is still living. Of course it'd be spookier if one day his friendster page goes down, or notticing somewhat like,"This page is no more available due to the unliving state of the user". uuh. Eerie.

Seeing close persons passing life, is to remind us of how the whole idea of living, is truly ephemeral. Short.

It could be tomorrow, or just this few minutes, after drinking a glass of soda, or on the railroad, or while I'm hitting 120km/h on the highway, or in the bathroom, or perhaps when I go sightseeing on Baturaden's rotten bridge--[whew, just saw the news on this one. so ironic, and tragic]. The picture usually goes so vivid in my head, like slideshows played on dull screens, an image of how I'd jump off the cliff while I was on a narrow path on mountains or on a building's roof, on how my my beetle and me in it would swerved, plunged and rolled until crashed on the pavement..urgh.How I could be a paranoia at times. No, not at times. But in each second bytes of my life.

There's always momemnts when I'm being noticed of how brief life could be. Often, it leads to another question, what're we looking for in life? d-Uh, I know, cliche as it seems, but for me it so uneasy to answer. Sometimes I hope I could just live and just die in the end. To endure anything that comes in life. Uhuh, yea rite and what about Life Goal? Fortune? Recognition? Awh, all that Maslow theorem? tsk. do they worth of niggling? Ambition, success, and fortune is derived from how the society perceives LIFE. and everything's perceived become 'logic'. so logically, everybody should have ambitions, goals, gain their successes, have happy families, to die in great dignity, etc, etc...How 'life' has been adulterated, impurified by such depiction. It might be true, maybe that's exactly what life is--to be in the, so called Maslow Chain, whereas each sequence is definite. Seeing life that way, it's not that grand no more, is it? It's mere phases. Oh, Could I just..Live? Just like...ehm, Forrest Gump? and not to be attached by how the society perceives life? Suppose not. :-. you, we, ARE the society. So be put. You're part of the system.

Anyway, do you remember the illustration on the end of 'Man In Black' movie, where the image zooms out, from very tiny molecules of ours, to what we are, what we're doing, to what our environment look like from a bird point of view, until our green-blue world turns into one little dots in the galaxy, which itself is apparantly only a marble to somekinda alien, alien in its own world, in its own galaxy which, is apparently a golf ball to a...nother alien%$^@!!? Oh, it's fictional, but it's SO true, on how our lives are TRIVIAL.

Hehe =p Of course it's inapropriate to depict God as an Industrial Engineer. But if is--in a sense of impossibility, of course, Adtagfirullah--, our grand scheme of living, birth, successes, pedigrees, deaths is like building an insurance simulation, mere statistics randomly derived from Poisson distribution! Birth, Death, Birth, Death, Birth, Birth, Death, Birth...number of trials : definite. Each of us are assigned ID, each with its' own queuing number-A number unidentified to ourselves until the time we're then called. to Rahmatullah.

The Idea, hm..tickles me at times I feel so unfocused. Trying this and that, until this moment I haven't been persistent on the goal, one goal of life that should be planned in the first place. I always feel somekinda failure to waste my time on things I know wouldn't aim anything for the goal, or whatever I'd do for the rest of my life. But then, if it's so trivial, why should I have any goal anyway? Because we're only given one shot and such brief time to accomplish it? What's 'it' anyway ? *_*

If life could be so short, I wouldn't have second chance to try it, would I? Why should I bother being persistent and eradicate all other possibilities? It's this moment, or never.--Even if I believe on reincarnation, I wouldn't take my chances. Huh? What? What if I was reincarnated to be a dragonfly? erh...

Anyway, I should stop blabbering. It's totally bootless. As bootless as the time you'd spent reading all the bickering above. Your time is THAT precious!! A reminder for myself.

^_^ What d heck, It was just a fleet of thought...stupid one. don't mind.

Of course,what we're doing in this very ephemeral lives of ours is only to enhance life. For ourselves and others. In every possible way. Aren't we? Even a bit change would count and recorded into the statistics..., and I now realize, like stock movement, the change would be more significant if we stick on one focused pattern, and not be diversified by the whole spectrum of lives may bring about in our lives.

What's the number of my life contributes to the delta? hm. I wonder.

***

21. beatified that I've given chance to encounter my 21st Lebaran.Alhamdulilah. And hopefully my 22nd...Amin...

And guys, Minal Aidin Wal Faidzin. Please DO forgive me. as I always do U.

***
Anyway, I wonder, If I'm dead, would you still be visiting my FS page? or my blog? how would you remember me? Ehm, Even if you put testimonials, I couldn't be able to approve them, could I? hehe, That'd be creepy. But,=( How sad.

Beach Side Stories

2006-10-16T06:10:00.000+07:00

Another set of photos-o-mine...Please check it out and I'd truly appreciate 'APRESIASI'. :D

Click on the pic to get better view....you can grab'em if you'd like, but please tell me.

Very Graphic me

2006-10-15T09:05:00.000+07:00

It's been somtime since the blog rolled on the www carpet. Anyways, I just want to make things organized. I'd love to get them [the previous moments by postings] easily grabbed. Anyway, This is why the blog exists afterall, to be my brain-defragmanter. I'd like to save precious moments and make it easily available anytime I need. Maybe just for the sake of nostalgia.

These are some scribbles I'd made for postings. I'll make quick link on the navigation bar, too I think.

Scribbles!!
tori amos I love
My luvly Pat-Pat
Photoset santai di Pantaii
Self-Sketch
No Make Up - Nu Tool Trial
Chicken-Blistered
Photoset flickr
Love Hurts
Scattered Brain
Ma New McGoy!!
Strip Scattered Brain

Poster size!
Poster Self in Colours!!
Cheveux couleur
POster Burung Koak on the air

6 Years, Love you even more =D

2006-10-14T05:52:00.000+07:00

You.

The chuckling gears.

The Bumps.

The Squeaky sound on the windshield.

The Most natural of all air conditioner.

The Arm Toning.

You, and Me.

6 years and counting.

Woohoo!!

Image: Pat-Pat-Basking under morning Sunshine....

Long companion-o-mine

Makes me turn into water,

2006-10-09T05:18:00.001+07:00

I'd crave for Tori Amos. She's a piano goddess, totally creative visually, and plus, her hair is ORANGE! hehe It has been since my childhood from her earthquakes era in 1992-1993, that I've been indulged by videos of her. Her true affinity music(d-Uh, ofcourse), AND visual has always been embedded in her video works. A great sense of cinematography and yet, rich of imaginative visuals and imagery has ALWAYS been something that I'd covet for from them. So, despite you might find it hard to 'listen' to her music, watching the video might oh, SO WOULD enhance the experience, greatly. I'd say. =D

Anyway, I bought a new video compilation of her : Fade to Red. AAANNNDDD....watching her new video Sleeps With Butterflies--a song that has always been a permanent resident of my playlist ;p, I knew I was looking for somebody else's work. I knew I had seen the image elsewhere before...hmm...I have huge collection of images and illustrations over the internet, and I KNEW it was one of'em. And there it was,Aya Kato.

I had few illustrations of her in my collection, but then after I watched the video I was becoming more and more curious. She's a freelance illustrator from Japan, born in 1982, her talent and originality...is unmistakable. Having Find more bout her here. I'd always love her work!Uadhh....*as if my body would turn to water, seing her work :p*

In the video she works with laurent briet, which equally genius as to transform the surreal illustration into realistic video imagery, with Tori amos in each slides of it. Uuhh...wuff wuff..awk!

On fast-cooking

2006-09-26T17:19:00.000+07:00

Fast-Cooking...hehe...bukan berati memasak cepat...tapi..memasak sambil puasa. hehe...Ah. aku akhirnya merasakan malesnya masak sambil puasa...untuk berbuka apalagi!. Well, hehe, at least buat gw yang mesih rookie dalam hal masak-memasak.

Klo masak sehari2 kan enak, mo trial n error brapa kali juga, bisa dicoba cicip coba cicip n panggil yang laen klo dah kelar n siap saji. Tapi klo puasa? Beuh. mo ngicip gak bisa. bahkan tadi mo ngecek nasi dah mateng apa blon, tak sengaja kutelan 2 butir nasi..uheue...baru setelahnya inget klo puasa. jadi alhamdulillah rejeki...wakaka...N, yang tersulit, untuk ngepasin selesenya hidangan plus tajil segala macem PAS bedug! wuadoh.

Hebring oge ibu2 itu teh ya..edan.

*oh, setengah 6. allez cuisine!

Life, is an Adventure, or Mere Quest of Security?

2006-09-17T20:57:00.001+07:00

Here's another quote I deliberately took from a long stalk on Risk Management Study tonite...ihihi...

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.(Helen Keller)

Wow. I'd say It's another perspective on seeing risk. No no, I'm not going to ramble bout risk in finance, I'm talking bout taking risk in general, in LIFE. I'd always thought Risk Management is an attempt to mitigate risk itself. But here, it stated that one should be exposed to risk, in order to survive in life. What an intriguing insight.

Have you ever seen "Along Came Polly"? where Ben Stiller's playing a Risk Manager, a person that's always wanted to be in 'safe-mode' : no exposure to whatever risk life may bring, He's taken 'risk-mitigating' in its MOST extreme state, in every tiny facets of his life. How life's dull being Ben. Oh, I wouldn't spoil the plot for you who hasn't watched it. It was just an example opposing Helen Keller's quote above. On how life would be dull avoiding danger or risk.

But the idea of mitigating risk is always there. Decision-making is essential in each tiny step of our life, isn't it? I am-I think-one who tends to take risk. I'm very timid as a person, but I believe taking risk is worth the return value--You know, return is usually linearly correlated to risk. For instance,

I can't deny I always get stomach-ache EVERYtime I'm goin mountaineering, or rafting, or climbing. I know the risk, it could be death in its worst case scenario. At some time, my mom would suggest me not to go, she'd say she had bad feeling. Once, I replied,"I could die anytime,anytime Allah wants it to be.Whether I'm going or not, the time has set. Nothing's gonna change it.". I knew, my alter ego--wanting just to go--dominates. I wasn NOT thinking. But then, she said,"But you don't know Allah's plan". "Going, means gaining exposure to risk. And what we can do is to reduce the probability of the exposure, for instance, by not going towards it.". ....oh. I realize she's rite. But still, my alter ego wouldn't let me give in. It simply want some experience, something that has to be taken, or else I'd regret for not taking it, for the rest of my life. And I always follow it. My ego, maybe stupid one. Aww...sorry mum for making you so worried over the years...I haven't been a good daughter...=(.

Or, other ailment of mine.

I've never been satisfied. I know my strengths and weaknesses, people say,"live with your strenghts, not weaknesses". Definitely!, But instead of avoiding my weaknesses, I always tend to stray away from my strenghts, and trying to mend my weaknesses. I always depict the sentence with, "Change your weaknesses into strenghts, as you cannot live with one". As the result, my strenght is not fully developed, but I gained broader spectrum of skills, by developing my default weaknesses. I'm living only once, there's too much to see, to learn, but it's so brief, life.

It happens all the time. And until this moment, my ego usually rules. The other me-TheTimidMe, says it's stupid. It suggest that I should be living with whatever strenght I've already known, and not to wander searching for others, wasting my brief time in this tiny world. Tsk.

Weleh, curhat gini...wekekek...takapalah.

What do you say? I'm stupid or what.

first trip alone #2 -paranoia

2006-09-16T19:06:00.000+07:00

I'm such a loser. I violate my own promise to get back on the saddle (thx for term, cum), and instead, doing this. Arghh..

I'm gonna continue telling you bout that stupid trip to Singapore. My first trip alone. I suggest you read the #1 part first : here

***
Hm..It was the second day. Pushing myself towards the crowds I immersed myself quite easily. I've got some business cards with me =D which was actually LFM business cards. It was stupid to trade such kinda cards w/ people. The next afternoon, in lunch break session, I moved out. The current hotel n the backpacker lodge I'm about to check in is actually 2 MRT stations apart, but I only took one--not realizing how the second is actually much nearer until the last day--and I had to walk 3 blocks away from the station. The venue itself is located just next to the station. I was excited bout checking in. It's not my first backpacker lodge, but it IS outside the country. ihihi...BUT! Instead of finding that Magelang-originated front officer, A singlish-speaking-chinesse-lady told me that the girls are extending their stays that NO girl-only-room is vacant. OH! OH!, I had no back up. The wheel's spinning inside my skull, trying not to freak out or faint whatsoeva. Uh, Oh, and what's available, is a MIX-ROOM of 4! UH. OH!!! I WAS totally freaked OUT! Having boys as roommates maybe OwKey.. But having STRANGERS as roomate is...quite DAUNTING!!. My roomate was an Arabian, and another an English bloke.But the clock's ticking and I had to get back to the venue, and My feet and back sored so bad getting the load outta there. So I checked In. And ran 3 blocks back.

Each day, the seminar was always closed by a finger-food buffets dinner..!!--Which was marvellous idea as I taste every single bit of flavors in tiny amounts. So varied that my stomach would be bemused and amused at the same time and I wouldn't reali As usual I move around gatherings...introducing...and trying to make out conversations...asking business cards...fill up another plate...and I bumped into a Malaysian Man, in around his late 30's I guess...I tried to be polite of course, and after few while, he asked if I wanted to get some food more decent (than fingers). Hmmm.I had always wanted to go places while I was still there...trying new cuisines, and he suggested Arabic cuisine. Hm. I found it particularly intersting as I know I wouldn't get to the site quite easily myself. And he told me that he'd talked w/ few friends so I assume having few friends would be less intimidating. :). But then, we went out alone. Argh. My eyebrows rose. Alert-mode : ON. ihihih...He even took me to his hotel, but I insisted on waiting him change clothe at the lounge. He went back after a while, and asked if I had done Maghrib prayer and suggest that I could use his room. d-Argh. My eyebrows rose even higher! well. tried not to be impolite nor su-udzan*, I explained that I would my shalats in jama-takhir that my safari mode is on. After few trials and me asserting, he gave up, and we went. Said a little prayer for myself. Hufff....Amin.

The next thing, is the fact of he not knowing exactly the arabic junction we were about to go. *erghh*. We went on a taxi, but I'd try to get outta there fast and I hate the idea of luring around trying to find the place we didn't know for maybe indefinite time...so I suggest another place to eat. It was situated on the northbridge--I went there walking around at the previous day, I'd measured the distance. It was court. It was an alley next to the river, where the colonial buildings still preserved and the view was fantastic and serene: cityspace lights reflected on the river. I'm not with the right person But I was enchanted by the view and I thought I'd be fine. So we settled and he ordered some seafood, and suggested that I'd do the same way. OH NO! A girl gotta do what a girl gotta do. and ordering food w/ his money is the least thing that I wanted to to do. So I ate nothing. Thankfully I took few rounds on the finger foods, though I was hungry, still. He, as usual insisted and finally I ordered a glass of lemon tea, to kill the time. It was an uneasy situation. foolish. awkward. He kept on talking. I replied, briefly. During the time, I tried to be polite and figure out how I could throw away the suudzan feeling but I didn't make it. I was becoming a jerk, looking through my watch all the times, and pretending that I was seeing a friend at around 8.30, implicitly suggesting,"Eat fast and let's just finish this rite away!!". Realizing the site was not far from his hotel, he suggested to walk back. Ok he's extending his time...but we walked and during the long stroll, he even suggested that I should go to Malay w/ him after the seminar's over! hEHHH!! hell with what that means. I dunno whether my eyebrows could be even higher than the default state. I walked blocks, fast. said goodbye, fast. and went into the MRT station, fast. Of course I didn't actually went into MRT station, Ijust waited for few while and went out again.

I spent the time in an internet cafe nearby. Once again astouned by the fact that the operator is also an Indonesian. I knew I had to kill time. and get back to the lodge as late as possible so I wouldn't have to chat with my roommate. I thought, a chat before bed, is equally uneasy. So I spent about an hour on the net, went to Orchard for pleasing my eye--though of course not very pleasing for the calves--and went back to the lodge maybe around midnite.

As I opened the door, I found the arab-guy was still awake, reading and the english bloke hasn't yet got back. I had to make up conversation and I found out the the arab was a economy journalist and being polite I was also introducing myself blaha blaha blaha... Oh, I'll describe him out for you. He's BIG, An Arabian with moustache and beard. BIG eyes. not scary but still intimidating. Fair skin complexion. He's tone of voice is OK, but the low pitch is kinda...eerie..ahhaha.. He's wearing sorban, but currently not wearing it, he had his hair bunned, messy here and there. I excused myself and changed clothes in the bathroom and desperately hoped that he'd fallen asleep when I got back. But I wasn't that lucky. He hadn't finished reading, so I went under the blanket first. I was so flaked out. My heart was throbbing. I couldn't close my eyes until I heard his snores. and the english bloke went back early in the morning, maybe around 2AM. I was in Full-alert-mode, all nite. tsk. hh...but, anyway, Alhamdulillah nothing happened. Bwahaha...I was paranoid!wekkk....

(to be continued...)

Hihi..the 2nd day's finished. I'll save more on the next days later...too much reading will kill you..

Cheerio!!

Scrabbi-doo-daahh...on ArtRage!!!

2006-09-14T19:38:00.000+07:00

Anyway, I was recommended une site francais, www.telecharger.com and I found this software! It's called ArtRage.It's great! LIke having whole set of painting materials : paletteknive, brushes, crayons and even watercolor and plus the water bucket! and you've got the texture tooo!! It really got the 'feel' of painting. The software's quite neat but you've got limited tools having it free, of course. But It feels like the first time I know Paintbrush when I was little. It's fun! OMG. I'm doing this again! Arghh...!! Oh, now I want another thing : A tablet PC, please.... hwerahaha...keep on dreamin!

My first attempt : "Uhum, so I cannot do any make-up. eheh.."

Er...just a scrabbi-doo-daahh...on the new painting tool. I know. Yaick! it's dull. But I've spent 30 minutes doing this and just wanna hang it here =D. I'll delete this one as soon as I'm getting something more pleasing to the eye. :p

***
This, is my second attempt, hmm... No! It's not a super-saiyan! ^_^ Hm...I'm entitling this : "Le cheveux d'arc3nciel". hahhaha....well, made this quite fast....but, I like it better than the first attempt.

Click on the image to see better view and feel of the texture! Download if you want to (ihihih)...

On Being Procastinator

2006-09-12T10:42:00.000+07:00

Procastinators : Leaders of Tomorrow

Kewt. *) quoted on Threadless.com, my fav tee site.

The battle of Two Stupid Minds, in blisters.

2006-09-09T12:33:00.000+07:00

There's nothing nice bout being sick.

uhum?

Infact, there's NOTHING WORSE than being SICK.

Err....(Let me speak with you for a moment, site-viewers )Sorry for the rumbling, but FYI,the writer is caught by vericella virus for these last five days. Hehe, it's that famous 'Chicken-Pox'--for I dunno why would human disease be called akin to some avian or food-mouth disease. Anyway, she can't actually 'do' anything because the only thing the brain would mind is the aggravating itches all over her body!, so pardon.

Anyway, I'd like to say thanks for all the support, guys. Luv and mIss You!.. Now let's just let her rumble all the way through and pretend you don't hear a thing, ok?

I've been all messed up. The target's down my friend, and my schedule ruined!I dunno where the heck did I get this virus. and over all, In this particular moment of my life! It's the last thing that I need!

Oh c'mon...

What C'mon C'MOn?!

Don't deny you're not having quite a holiday

What? a holiday mending my blisters?!

There's some fun in it...

Oh, you mention fun. let's see...
First, this comes up in a particular moment when I should be most fit of all times.

Maybe you're pushing it too harsh..that you're not fit anymore.

Second, Its catasthropic to my pursual. Let's see I'd missed Careerdays, and The Art Fair!!! Argh I hate missing that fest!! and might tore down my spirit for this *project-you-don't-wanna-mention*!

it's not that horrible...

Third, this blisters are really annoying! I wanna have bath! I wish they'd just fall off!!

ok. ok. it's not that much fun then.

O b v i o u s l y. What is anyway!?

There IS some fun. Hmmm....

You don't call laying-laying lazy through the day-somekinda.. fun?.

You don't call marathoning One Littre Of Tears, well despite making your pillowcase soaked-somekinda.. fun?

You don't call watching LOTR trilogy-again-somekinda..fun?

You don't call running full series of Friends finale season-somekinda.. fun?

You don't call having ALL the time in a day for consuming your pirated cd un-watched-yet-despite som-o-them ain't workin'-somekinda..fun?

And don't mention all the time you can spend reading your have-no-time-to-read-yet-bought books...Wouuhhh...

You don't even have to worry of feeling guilty not 'doing' anything coz anyhow your brain only mind bout the itchies and cannot bear any other than mere indulgence whatsoeva!! See? It's not that bad. being sick.

Hmm..and.

You don't call..all those affection from people around you-somekinda..nice?

Admit it, It's practically a HOLIDAY!

Yea But..

And stop blaming the disease. Now you should better learn to measure yourself. It's not all about "We Believe in Ourselves" or more ego version,"I Believe in Myself". Because it's NOT US who rules OUR LIVES! Remember?!

....

*) artwork in blisters : "in blisteres, not so much fun.eyk"

I'm addicted to you

2006-08-31T22:28:00.000+07:00

You know what? Having you before toothbrushes is a need...

The first thing that I need when I open my eyes is you...

You're always there helping me fire the energy before morning jog.

Even in and between meals, and for tea accompaniment, you're that I long for

I've never forgotten to bring you along. Anywhere.

so that you could instantly shoot me after classes, when I got dizzy.

and Of course, I've gotta find you when I get home

and...would hope that you could accompany me through the soiree..

Oh like this moment, you're truly what I need for a midnite dash

I am desperately needing you.

Sugar, I'm addicted to you.

* _ *

It's 11pm and I'm already hungry.....

Oh, I Need an endomorphin dope....Sshhh...

I think i'll make a cup of choclate...hmm..piling up sugar babe...It might kill you one day! *blah* ok. let's now calculate my sugar consumption today:

gandour tofiluk : 6g x 2 = 12 g
gandour touriste : 11g x 2 = 22 g Aw yes I love Gandour's...
Beng-beng : 10 g(they're adding more sugar! It had been sweet in the first place~!)
that morning milk : 6g
nutrisari (Awwhh!!) : 22g!! I'm drinking sugar.
Nutrijell: perhaps 10g (Do you know that you have to mix 200g (@#@%@!!!) of sugar for a sachet of nutrijell? Wheeew so I ate just 1/20 of it.)

Hmm.. find out that 'Nutri' derives from Nutrients which, apparantly, constitutes only of SUGAR!

To Sum up : 82g this whole day! hell, I've violated the maxima! I read it should not more than 60 g/day. Hmm...swissmilk rich choclate, 6g of sugar. hmm...88 then to pile up! It's a lucky number. Nice...

Hehehe, any of you would like a cup of choclate?

Sugar Sugar Sugar Where art thouu...

Yuuuuhuuu....

first trip alone #1

2006-08-30T21:44:00.000+07:00

Being unable to collect midnite spirit for my you-know-what-not-to-mention project...ehm, I decided to blog-roll instead. Ehehe...here's my another stupid iddlity...

I'll babble bout my first trip alone, ^_^

Considered, I'd tell it in English, as almost all the conversation is actually in English, and it'd be quite awkward to translate it to Indonesian. And anyway, I just want to i.m.p.r.o.v.e..

It was meant to be a seminar. in Singapore. February last year. Well, as I told you, no matter how hectic I am in a academic life, I'd do ANYTHING to travel (well of course I'm not that academic-ignorance...but still. Anything to travel! as I believe a travel would bring more value than sulking upon class subjects. hahwhehehekke).

Like all writings, let's first define 'travel'. I simply put its definition as "transfering oneself from one spot to another, in quite a distance. No matter the occasion". Hehe...The Seminar wasn't that appealing, at least not for me...But I'd welcomed the offer anyway. Go to S'pore, it was only just for 4 days, list of schedules in hand, interesting topics actually in the Seminar. Project Management. I was probably the sole student in the conference. Anyway, it's Singapore! it's probably the savest corner on the world. What could happen in such save environment, I convinced myself. I'd get around easily, little island, There shouldn't be any fuss. A day before departure, I decided to go, bought an Air-Asia (Oh You're the king in flying!) ticket, and set up to Jakarta. Had myself browse some backpacker lodge around the area, and jot down the address for further reference. I know I'd needed it.

This is my second trip to S'pore. I recall the first one was when I was 9, my mom was with me, --well-- in between her tight schedules. I was--when I was9-- practically left alone, being sent to a travel agency and taken care by a newly wed malaysian pair. and I remembered w/ very restricted English, having to drill mentioning "where's the toilet" like 10 times before I was confident enough to spill out the question. sheesh. me, that time. I remembered also, after having few nights in quite a hotel down in OrchardRd, we-me and mi mom-move to an economic hotel. It's quite far, I didn't recall where it was, but I remembered the rustic odour, and the old fashioned elevator--you know the elevator which has doeble doors, one for the box, and the other for each level, that goes one up, one down when you open it. The bed goes shrieky all the time and the water heater goes on and off. The floor was layered with greenish yellow patterned melanin sheets, torn here and there. Dull. I even remembered I accidently poured hot water onto my mother's leg while we cooked Supermi inside (sorry mum)..Hmm.We managed to be savvy 11 years ago. And so did my plan last year. I was wishing I could find the exact motel, which I presume would be staggering cheap, until then (which was actually hypothetically stupid! regarding the span of 11 years! d-Uh). I was quite lucky to found the spot in the map (Amazingly I remembered the name of the road!), and decided to go find it as soon as I get there. Of course, I've got my back up plan, but having no idea what it's like, it remained back up.

Got at changi at 11, I assumed I had plenty of time to find the place. In and Out MRT stations, I walked and walked, w/ back wrecked out having to endure such load and flipping maps just to find out things were totally different back then. Anyway, having passed the hotel several times, based on the map, I was sure it was it, but I was not so sure that the view was totally altered from what I'd remembered. The dull greyish building I remembered was somehow transformed into a pale orange painted grand hotel! Oh wow, I thought. The owner must have won a lottery some time in between this last 11 years! My back's aching and I'm so flaked out that I decided to go in anyway. Finger crossed, my heart was throbbing as I asked the fare. I took dorm room. A room for 5. Girls only. There was only one person besides me, an Indian girl majoring in Law and was having an internship in Singapore for a whole month. Oh, how lucky she was I thought. But the place was fine. The fare was...ok. at least for a nite. I'll have to move tomorrow. Or I can't buy anything!! It's singapore, d_uh, What else you can do! And it's sales season!! WEEHEE!!!

OK. Having my things settled, I went to the venue where the conference will be held. Reregister. And Yes. I was the sole student. :D. It's sometimes nice being the youngest. hehehe...Oh, and I managed to find the backpacker lodge which address I'd noted. It was 3 blocks away from the venue. As I booked that afternoon, the owner (which is actually an Indonesian, Magelang, to be more precise!), told me that a dorm room for 4, girls only, would be available for me for the next day. WEEHEE once again! The fare is, 1/9 times the default hotel! only 7$S a nite, about Rp. 40ribu at that time. And i imagine myself showered w/ shopping spreeess...

The next, day. The conference starts early. It's always exhilirating meeting new people, as we were conditioned to do so. Ice breaker session and all. And how I found it little awkward mingling in such professional environment. Of course the talk was also, professional. But everybody was nice, and few people kept looking that morning at me, and finally took chance asking,"You're Indonesian?" iherhe...it's funny, coz they said my face is a lil bit filipino. Am I?. One of them I learned was a tutor in ITB, and there's coupla Indonesians in the conference. Everybody comes from different places in the world. but that day I was as clumsy as ever. And that clumsiness, was surely no good....coz...hmm...

I'll tell you what happens later on...this is really stupid. Well, anyway, don't bother to read if you don't want to. Who told you to read in the first place anyway?

Read the #2 part here

A Cure For Sore Eyes # 1

2006-08-29T20:57:00.000+07:00

Haven't got the time to post new things, so link my flickr instead here...please do visit my flickr page.

A Series: on Beach. e.n.j.o.y.

www.flickr.com

Pelabuhan Ratu, 2004 ; Ujung Kulon, 2006; Batu Karas, 2004

Zut!

2006-08-27T18:24:00.000+07:00

A new post! A new post!...tick tack tick tack...er..rrr.hmm...^_^....[!ZAP!] : light went off. >_< Ssssshh!!@%@#!!. hhh...hhh......Reboot....*waiting*...Relaxed, yap, windows starts. http://..... started all over again. tick tack tack tick..krrr....Sip. Yes. Done. Publish. *click*. uploading.....loading......%%%....Done. Darn! Error!?!#@@#%^&#^#%^$!!@#$!!!! Zut!. Argh. Ilfil gw.

*sigh*

*)now I know the importance of back-up...sshhh

Nice Try...

2006-08-27T17:22:00.000+07:00

A few days ago, Bewildered in a midst of 'Worms' and 'Sigmas' on Risk and Uncertainty subject*, I realized that I couldn't grasp the whole idea without getting the substantial concept of risk itself**. Getting back to the definition and concept part, I came across a phrase goes like :

"A Risk is like love."

Uhm. You may blink. Twice....No. Three times would be fine. OK.

Now, go on.

"It's tangible, you can feel it there, but it's hardly measurable."

Uhm. Ok. Now you may grin. =D. Well, I'd say it's quite a fine depiction of risk. The default figure of the writer which was a bold proffesor wearing thick glasses and tight squared-patterned shirt suddenly vanished into air, replaced by a figure of a fine intellect gentlemen. :D Hahaha....Whether you buy it or not, it certainly had managed to ease wrinkles above my brows, and raise the edge of my mouth, a bit.

Yes. It works, for a few while. I suppose the opening statement is aimed at leveraging people's l.o.v.e on the risk subject. Well, having to confront once again with the 'worms and sigmas', I'd say it didn't work, mate. At least for me. Nice try. Keep On Practising...

But Anyway, It might work for you guys, metaphoring a subtle idea into something more tangible. Hehe...

Anyway, figured an image relevant to the subject hung here would be nice : here's an old piece. Just one of my mad-art. Hahaha...took this piece while gasping over a laboratory assignment's--which requires me using an old fashioned typing machine!!--deadline, in groggy eyes..or was I weeping?! (*Thus making the image a lil blurry. pardon*). Taken bout 3 years ago. Here's another evidence that art is my--not last, though--resort in depression. Oh no, no, no, no. it's not my current mood. So don't bother to relate.

"Ouch"

OK,that's all for now. Gotta get back down to the matresses****!! Cheerios!!

*)it's a subject which purpose You-Know-But-Should-Never-Be-Mentioned
**)Hate to say this. though.
***)for fellow TI-ers, you should recall what's the initial purpose of that typing machine, don't you?!
****)quoted from "You've Got Mail*

Travel. Pas Travail.

2006-08-25T10:34:00.000+07:00

Oh.

I wish I have the guts--Uhum, yea all you need is guts, to distangle ourselves from the entrapment of so called routinity... well, except still in some cases, money does matter as well=p--to just stroll and letting yourself lured by the exotic of this world. Anywhere but static. So much gratifying i believe. But, by bad luck, that chance has never occured to me. Or at least, not as much. Oh No. NO. I should stop blaming it on the weatherman. My apology. I just don't have the uttered-guts. Merde*.

Hence, almost all my travel is not a pure travel. Suppose travelling is done in purpose of ...'pure travelling', I believe the lesson learned upon the journey would be insurmountable. It would be a GRANDE experience. But I, always go travel for occasions. Either it's a seminar, Either it's a documentary movie project, Either it's a family-visit. Any reason would do me fine. Anything. For Travelling. What's wrong doing travel for some occasions? Nothing. It's just that I wish I'd go for NOTHING. to see. Open your mind...and just l e a r n.

Hmm...I haven't done much travelling. Especially by myself. But my first experience of travelling alone has been such a reveille. A reveille to my surroundings and how superficial we are,a la terre. What makes travelling alone differ from travelling with company? According to me, here's a few comparison :

First, you'd get better chance knowing someone new as you have no company and you'd surely HAVE TO mingle with others.Woohoo. New Friends. This important factor is surely significant. as how could you have your picture taken if not asking people passing by? or, how would you know happenings' schedule if not asking to the locals? Oh, or as you travel on board, how would you be such an ignorant for NOT opening a conversation (er..sometimes,"Anyway Busway**--conventional-pardon-if-dull greeting phrase")with people sitting next to you? It might be one way to show how well-mannered you are but I believe you wouldn't be such a dull person would you?

Second, you'd be much more aware of your surroundings. It differs when you travel with friends and jaaaaabbering all the wayyyy, you might miss some mesmerizing scenic views, or even fair fragrant from rose garden you trespass--uhm...Yeah, your mouth would conquer every other sense of you. Believe me.

Well. suppose that's two substantial comparison. It's essential. Coz they're two underlying factors we should always long for in travelling, new friends. l e a r n and perpetual search of experience.l e a r n.

Well, of course. there are disbenefits as well. And it's a matter of currency. As travelling together would certainly require less nominal. Welll, whether travelling alone or with company, it's your heart that you should always open and to reveille, in all your senses.

Anyway, I was going to tell you bout my first travel alone. But save it for later. *Giggles*

Cheers'

Coutesy image of stinapersson.com. Loving her work. =D
*) Merde (fr) : Zut : Quelle grave : Darn.
**) Anyway Busway : basa-basi. kata Deni, disadur dari kata-kata Hilmi. halah.
***) Travail (fr) : to work ; Pas Travail : Is not to work..
Anyway,banner : not-even-a-scribble. just a banner. Dull one. apapun yang cepat.

"To travel, is hopefully not to Travail. Parce que, travail, est dur"

=p, tulisan ini terinspirasi ma Marina yang berani menjelajah belantara Eropah. Sendirian. Salut lah sist! =D

Memento...#1

2006-08-25T00:41:00.000+07:00

This, would be my first Memento.

As its real definition : A Memento is a reminder of past events, so will be my posts in Memento.

I believe, Our brain defragmant itself. It partitions, getting rid of those memories never recalled, and put front those memories actively used. Oh. I wouldn't get my brain cleanswept though. Those which never been recalled, hopefully remains. as mementoes. But in case it really fades, then here it is.

This is anyway what my blog meant to be in the first place. To be a brain defragmanter. Remember?

My first memento would be....about my grandfather.

"Nduk...", mendengar yangkung* memanggil, kaki-kaki kecilku melangkah ke halaman belakang. Tak lupa memakai sendalku yang pet-pot-pet-pot bunyinya. Favoritku. Favorit anak umur 5 tahun.**

Waktu itu masih sangat pagi, yang kuingat, Langit masih berwarna biru. Biru. Biru tua. Senang sekali aku bernafas lewat mulut, karena setiap kepulan uap yang dihasilkan...rasanya...ajaib. Waktu itu.

Aktivitas hari itu adalah rutinitas pagi yangkung. Beliau memelihara beberapa ekor ayam. Ayam jago. Ada beberapa kalau tidak salah. masing-masing di sebuah sangkar yang besar. Menurutku. Waktu itu.

Berbekal kantong keresek yang cukup besar--Oh, percayalah, semuanya terasa sangat besar waktu itu!--kami melenggang keluar rumah. Rumah itu. Hamid Rusdi 131 Malang. Hanya menyebrang jalan, kami memasuki hutan. (Minimal, dulu itu berasa seperti hutan), Hutan yang dipenuhi oleh pohon-pohon pisang. Pohon-pohon pisang yang daunnya menggelung. Yak. Menggelung. Aku tidak pernah lagi menemukan--atau mencari--daun pisang yang menggelung sekarang-sekarang ini. Mungkin akan kucoba cari. Nanti.

Mataku terkagum-waktu waktu yangkung membuka gelungan daun pisang yang besar itu dan sekonyong-konyong seekor ulat berwarna putih menggelontor dari dalamnya. Menggeliat, resah. Seperti ada tangan raksasa besar yang menyingkap selimut hangatnya. Ulat itu besar. BESAR. Kenyal. Nampak seperti moci dipotong2. Bertepung di badannya. Persis seperti moci. Nyam. Tetap menggeliat, ulat itu dimasukkan ke dalam kantong keresek. Buka gelungan lain, ambil ulatnya. Buka lagi, ambil ulatnya...

Menyusuri hutan pohon pisang, banyak gelungan daun kami buka, kadang ada isinya--Besar seperti moci panjang, menggeliat-geliat resah--, kadang kosong. Mungkin lagi kebelakang. Ulatnya. Ritual Pagi.

Entah kenapa, begitu banyak ulat yang kami ambil setiap hari, pada keesokan harinya gelungan-gelungan daun ulat itu tetap ada dimana-mana.

Aku selalu senang berjalan-jalan pagi dengan yangkung. Menapaki rumput gajah di lapangan yang embunnya yang berkilauan diterpa mentari pagi, berlari-lari kecil, sekedar membuat kakiku basah. Rumput menempel disana sini. Segar. Memasuki hutan. dan keluar menemukan langit yang sedikit lebih terang warnanya....

Yangkung yang aku ingat adalah sosok yang kalem, tak banyak berkata-kata. Tapi telah menjadi inspirasiku selama ini. Teladanku dalam mengambil tindakan. Bersikap. Berpendirian. Hebatnya, selalu dalam kebenaran, sesuai dengan namanya, Yahdi.

Kangen rasanya, mengingat kebiasaannya menjilat telingaku. Geli. atau Bergaya memainkan piano dari tulang rusukku yang menyembul-nyembul. Waktu itu Lho. Ehm, atau pijatan a la yangkung : melipat-lipat kulit punggung. Nyeri tapi berasa. Teknik yang kuadopsi sampai sekarang kalau lagi berkesempatan memijat orang.

Hhhh...

Memento ini menjadi penting saat-saat sekarang. Karena kuingat ucapannya diakhir-akhir hayatnya. 7 tahun yang lalu.

"...Yangkung ingin liat kamu wisuda dulu..."...

.........

* )Yangkung : Eyang Kakung : Kakek : Granpa : GrandPere : Opa : Aki
**)Anak 5 tahun jaman sekarang pun, aku yakin masih suka dengan model sendal pet-pot-pet-pot ini. Everlasting fashion.

Oh!

2006-08-24T23:01:00.000+07:00

"Finally found you..."

A...quite an artwork. hihi...

2006-08-24T09:31:00.000+07:00

Hm..Continuing my idleness..oh gawd. *I shouldn't be doing this!!argghh* focus. focus.

Neah,actually, I wanna know whether this idleness is actually worth doing: Calculating my bed time : I went to bed at 4am last nite. I start doing this-art-wannabe at 8am, until 9.30am. Hm. Suppose I was still still sleeping, 4 to 9.30, then I'd be sleeping 5.30hours. very much reasonable. Then It's ok. It's my own life that I corrupt.

sick. of everything. Deploring each circumstances exist at the very moment*

Just realized. It always occurs to me. But my creativity is linearly correlated to my...agony.=p intriguing word hein?!

The more I'm depressed. The more creative (wannabe) I am. You'll find out.

Alas, I'm depressed when I should be doing a very important task. Thus, my creativity initiative has ALWAYS been destructive!

but. enjoy.

and Brit. Focus. One. Two. Three. bathe, and get serious.

oh, i'll have to post this first.

*)artwork in madness. kewl, I'd say. =D. 20 layered piece. Helluva experiment. If this is a layer cake. then You'd be full.

Grin,

2006-08-23T21:28:00.001+07:00

Idling over a new Businessweek's mag, Took liberty to fetch up a quote from A BankNIagaAds. It goes like this :

Wanita hanya mengimpikan 1 hal saja : s e g a l a n y a,

Can't help but grin. :D

*)image courtesy of stinnapersson.com.

wishlist#1

2006-08-23T18:22:00.000+07:00

I want this for my birthday....

I WANT THIS FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!! *shrieks*

keren ya...uuhh...girlmadethis.com

ada yang mo beliin? hhehehee

will the inertia take course ?

2006-08-23T17:33:00.000+07:00

Ok.

It's wednesday, and I violated my own promise. Sorry for not coming. I'll come tomorrow. as morning as possible. err.. not exactly. after that yoga-dangdut session lah. err..but what should I bring? I've nothing to deliver. I've encountered a cul-de-sac. hh, I'm supposed to meet you, ask you bout this. Hell. why did I sleep anyway. I should have gone. Arggh. I should GO. TOMORROW. yes, tomorrow after yoga.yes.

Ok.

Tick tock, tick tock, the sound's truly irritating. as if my life bar shortens so vividly. horrible. It's 5.45 pm. What have I done today? Big Null. nothing. d-argh. No. I've done that raison d'etre. at least. yea-rite. and sleep all the way. Hmmh.. I need a sip of choclate. nope. A bite. I'll check my friggie latter. check my stock. Why my mind rumbling bout food when I actually have to undergo a torcherous TA session in this... Suppose it should be N O W. but. still, I need a choclate first. A bit of endorphin shot to the head. Perhaps. ehm. or Coffee? I'd need a dope of it too. It doesn't make anything out last nite, hope It might do ce soir. Coffee?! wouldn't help. *snif*. coffeee..mocha? might do. yeah.

Brit!!! You don't know what yer doing. your mind is a total mush. Why are you here! FS. BLog. gmail. YM. play. sleep. TA for bit. read by bit. busweek.visit cnn.read bout that bulb-brainy and fortunately cashy silicon valley youngsters in hotspot. wow. amazed. watch tv. silet. d-oh. horrible. bathe. have to stop this. TA. TA. Deadline suppose this afternoon. this afternoon. it's over. violate my promise. tomorrow then. tomorrow. YES! tomorrow.

Fokus Bronkus. Count. One. Two. Three.

A Crying baby. from next door. The sound's not helping. Please help me. Why am I here. OK. Stop. Take it easy. Take one step to another.

Ok. You're still here.

Calm down. just publish and leave.

publish and leave.

Hungry. no. no. just need a shot. Now, Grab a coffie mocca. Don't forget what to do next.

No sugar. please. a lil bit will do.

Ok. Fokus.

FOcus.

Argh

It's inertia. I can't help.

Please.

a...definitely NOT an artwork. not even a scribble.

2006-08-23T17:14:00.000+07:00

Layerthis. duplicate. enlarge. duplicate. smaller please. once again. and again. dodge. burn. feather. blend. colour. no. hardmix. no. colourdodge. yes. fine.openfile. addlayer. screen. wow. neat. multiply.mm..duplicate. blurry. romantika.elah. no.gaussianblur. nice. textaddup.hmm...

exactly how I feel at this v e r y m o m e n t.

I just want to break free

hmm.u know what? this one reminds me of ganesha-bird-target-field*.dear campus.no. don'tthinkboutthat. cropthis. putthisonfs. ieekk. thecrop'snot fine. please. gotnotime. toomuchhussle. argh. spent sometime and this is the result? kiddingme. sickening. ah. whateva. justapieceofmy-mushy-mind. in a run.

*Jl.Ganesha,jalan kebanggan kampusku yang tak pernah lepas dari serangan T*I.

feel free to download. it's your monitor size!

On being a pirate

2006-08-18T01:17:00.000+07:00

Setuju gak?

There's nothing more gratifying than :

Luring across the alley of Kota Kembang, loaded w/ coupla thousand rupiahs and you can bag home buncha entertainments: festival movies, academie award winner, dangduts, apa kek you name it.. Woohoo!

Ato,

Browsing di rileks, semaleman ngedonlot ampe kering dorama2 jepang ato serial2 amrik tergress (saahh...gresss)...

Ato,

Dikit-dikit mencet tombol next karena selesai mbaca satu lembar komik manga--moga-moga bukan hentai--on the net.

Oh, bukan cuma buat entertain yourself, but also to educate yourself :

nangkring di mang CD diblakang ITB (kenapa belakang? ya daripada didepan jadi target latian tembaknya burung koak...hayoh?!), sekedar mbolak-mbalik katalog fotokopian item putih nyari cd-cd aplikasi simulasi versi terbaru.

Ato,

Kesenengan dapet share e-books dari temen, on the subject you really long for all these times...pas buat TA, mungkin?

Ato,

Ndengerin lagu kematian yang suka kedengeran klo kita lagi buka crack-crack aplikasi...bari aplikasi cracknya juga bergambar tengkorak.

Dasar pirates.

Tapi, tak bisa kusangkal, klo boleh aku tutup juga satu mataku.
I'm a pirate too.

***

Tapi, kebayang gak sih teman,

Apa jadinya klo dunia ini gada piracy.

Well, to degenerallize, apa jadinya Indonesia tanpa piracy.

Hmm...maybe more degeneralizing, apa jadinya UBRIT tanpa piracy...

Gak punya duit mamaaakkk! Mau nyoba aplikasi baru susah, windows aja pirated. Mau denger MP3 boro2. Mau beli? Uh Oh. Wait. Mau liat film2 terbaru...kali streaming prepet-prepet...mana kuat...

Would we even live? yea. d-Uh. But, to what degree?

viva piracy!

(*hehe menyamangati 61 tahun Indonesia Merdeka kok begini ya?*)

MERDEKA !! -equally for piracy!- =D

About Me, Blogging

2006-02-05T21:40:00.000+07:00

About

As far as I'm concern, I'm not a linguistic type. I'm so visual and love listening, but not reading. I don't read books except easily consumed novels and comics, perhaps those short factual news or article and some biographies--well I certainly love feeding m y brain w/ some globalization issue and how the world shapes out. But that's it. I don't like reading philosophy or things that are too abstract to absorb. Well, Point is, I don't read as much, maybe that's why I'm so much jumbled.

So, A priori, I should say, Writing, for me, is an arduous job. Really is.

Another one, Kenapa juga saya agak gak enakeun menulis menggunakan bahasa Indonesia. I don't know why. A Big Probable it's due to my very brief way of thinking, terlalu pendek untuk dijelaskan dalam bahasa Indonesia yang sedikit tidak efisien dalam berkata-kata. Not shallow, just brief. Yeah, I know. Brevity is for the weak. So I'm weak. pardon. And another big probable is simply coz I can't. Not capable. Not that I could write in English better, still.

About Writing

If I had to choose between making short fictive story against doing paper assignment, I'd probably choose the latter one. I really would. It's just because I'm not an expert in putting mumbles of my imagination in words--though the ideas goes like cannonballs in my head! . I'd rather learn though references, analyze, and jot it down, the way it is. Totally practical I am, eh? ato emang males aja? ^_^. Another probable, I have no genes in writing. My parents don't read, don't buy books, especially write. But I may be different after all, may I not?

About typing

As I told you, I have troubles in transfering what's in my mind into words. Using pencil, and especially keybord!. The pulse between my brain n my finger tip goes r e a l s l o w . I don't like typing what's in my mind and seeing font by font emerging on the flickering monitors. I might don't type as fast, or maybe as I said, my mind's to jumbled and paragraphs in word processing is just too way neat! I'd say it might be much easier to jot things down using pencil and paper, scratch here and there, scribble all the way through my writing. I just don't like moving my hand to mouse(or 'tetikus' as malay says) and back doing backspace, copy, paste, delete, back again to type, here and there, back and forth, I'm doing it too way much.

About Writing a Blog

Blog. It's there since the era of internet started, it bloom, booms, and less likely recess in this near period. Of course not. Everything goes global, even you and your brain opens and make yourself exposed to the outer world, as what you do Blogging, or making even Friendster account. Is it a good sign? Well, semoga kita gak di goBlog-goBlogin Blog, and Hopefully opening ourselves is a good sign that we could learn and share from each other--for good sake. Finger crossed everyone!!

About this blog
Have you ever thought about brain-defragmanter, an Oohh-ahh-future-device that makes your brain well structured in instant, so that everytime you need it, you'll grab it faster, whatever it is. Not jumbled out, bewildered even in your own white-tissued-skull. Like mine everytime. Like, even, n o w. This blog is my so called Brain-Defragmanter, a device to mend my scattered brain.

It'll be loaded w/ graphic coz I'm so visual and can't stand jumbled html page with plain words.

About me

Males dah. mending cek friendster gw aja dah. gih.

***

It's intimidating for me, writing a Blog. But I'll let you judge, anyway, how I write, and how my mind shapes. Now that you could see all the clumsiness. :p

So, here I am, trying to write. For a better change of me, and hopefully, a slight bit of you.

So, happy joy joy enjoy

Say : Hello UBz!

Finally It Made My Day...

2006-02-04T00:52:00.000+07:00

Yesterday--(well, sekarang jam 1 pagi), jadi yesterday itu maksudnya Jum'at 3 Februari 2006--lumayan bikin gw rontok2 senyum. Hm..gak segitunya sih. Tapi mari gw ceritakan mumpung daku masih melek n pingin ngetik.

Pk. 07.00 - Prambanan Jakarta

Gw bingung, maw workshop, tapi setelahnya harus pulang ke Bandung tercinta. Harus bawa diktat segede edan plus gembolan segede babi dong? Berat betul. Mana hari ini dresscode gw pinky-black, sedang gembolan gw beigy-beigy. Tak nyambung. Gak asik ah.

Kalau balik dulu ke kos setelah workshop, bisa gak jadi malem ini baliknya...haaahh..Aku pengen pulaaanng...

Oh, titip aja gembolan babinya di Sarinah, ntar selese workshop ambil langsung ke Gambir. Plan yang asyik. Praktis, style terjaga, punggung-bahu sehat. Satu yang jadi critical path. Berarti pagi ini jadwalku ditentukan oleh jadwal buka Hero di Sarinah. 8.30 kali ye..

Ah peduli, coba aja. Mandi, packing, cabut ke Sarinah!!

pk. 08.45 - Sarinah

eng...ing...eng...TUTUP. Jam berapa dong bukanya? setengah 10 katanya. Halah. Kelamaan. Workshop starts at 9!! Peduli bagong ma style langsung gw ngabrit ke Busway n ikut sampe Glora Bung Karno.

Hmmhh...plan utama gagal. Kecele juga karena tetep harus bawa gembolan babi yang bikin rontok bahu n punggung. Gak matching lagi. Halah brit, 'cem 'cem aj...

pk 09.15 - Graha Niaga

Lagi-lagi, Ubrit masih manusia karet. Resolusi yang kembali jadi resolusi, dan belum jadi solusi di awal tahun ini.

Masih mikirin style....Walau sudah kadung bawa tu gembolan babi selama perjalanan kemari, tetep juga gw usaha nitip ke satpam di bawah--yang mukanya sok-sok heran, dikira teroris mungkin.

Boleh dilihat mbak isinya?

Ya, terserah pak, baju, maw keluar kota.

(Hehe, ngeri juga kalo undies gw--yang didalam tas, bo--diudek2 satpam, hihihi)

Sudah serasa orang Jakarta aja, sok2 keluar kota. Anyway, minimal dengan nitipin gembolan babi itu ke satpam, pagi itu gw masuk kelas rada2 with style.....walo sudah telat 15 menit....

kalo kata Atied,

"Everything you do, do it with style".

Elah.

17.00

Arteri gw mengecil 'n tekanan darah gw dah naek gara2 simulasi workshop sore itu. Saatnya pulang. Rencana awal gw : nyobain jalur busway baru koridor 2 n 3 untuk ke Gambir, toh Jauh dekat - pindah2 koridor busway sama aja harganya. hmmhh...Satu bahasan menarik nih. Hebat sekali Jakarta punya public transport yang jauh dekat sama harganya. Padahal di Singapur, curi2 turun bus beda satu halte aja (beda 25c), dendanya gileee..Jadi, Bagus apa jelek ya? ya gw sih merasa untung karena trayek gw mayan jauh.

Anyway, rencana itu hanya rencana karena harus turun di Tosari, ke officenya expat Australi temen nyokap disitu. Halah. bikin susah aja. Turun, jalan, jalan balik lagi, naek busway lagi. Bayar dobel, punggung rontok, bahu leklok, kaki gempor. Tapi BEGONYA lagi, gw setelahnya masih keukeuh naek busway lagi--sudah tau jam segitu tu rush hour. Alhasil, karena dodolnya gw, gw harus antre 30 menit di Tosari sampe akhirnya gw bisa naek ke atas busway. Crowded abis. Bahu-leher nyut-nyutan bawa gembolan, otot bisep makin mantep nggantel. Belum lagi pas sampe Sawah Besar n harus pindah koridor, ngeliat antreannya kek nonton premier film LOTR. Panjang betul!!..Ilfil dah aye.

Sedikit aku merasa beruntung pagi itu tidak jadi menitipkan barang di Sarinah, yang berarti aku harus berkali-kali naik turun Busway.

Well, Gw pun bersungut-sungut keluar dari busway station n naek bus alakadarnya. 2000 perak sampe Gambir, walo harus rela ditereak2in kenek karena gw yang keukeuh berdiri di pintu (karena emang Gambir kan deket), n gembolan gw bikin sumpek orang-orang sekitar.

Uhm...Disini gw merasa sedikit egois. Kecenderungan kita (well, mungkin hanya gw juga,hehe), yang suka maksa duduk ato berdiri di deket pintu, gak peduli ternyata orang yang berdiri lebih dalem ternyata keluar lebih cepet. Denger2 sih kalau di Jepang orang langsung dengan self-concious untuk ngisi yang paling dalem. Udah seperti sistem First In First Served lah. Hmm...kapan watak kita seperti itu?

19.00

2 jam, dari Glora Bung Karno ampe Gambir. Helluva Journey! jakarta...jakarta....ckckck..

anyway, this is the last part.

Akhirnya gw sampe Gambir, dengan badan bermandi keringat--beneran mandi,punggung-bahu serasa bisa tiba-tiba retak, dan kaki gempor. Tadinya aku pengen ngejar kereta Bisnis. Tapi berhubung berangkatnya masih satu stengah jam lagi, dan badanku sudah capek bin gembrobyos, aku pun melirik kreta eksekutif Argo Gede.

Ternyata, 'Tempat Duduk Habis'. Arrrgghh....Hmmh..apapun lah, yang penting ada AC nya untuk ngeringin keringet ma baju...hahaha...masalah duduk dimana, pikirin nanti saja, pikirku, lagi-lagi pikiran dangkal bin bego sambil menyodorkan duit 75ribu ke loket.

Tiba-tiba seorang Bapak-bapak menghampiri,

Adik mau ke Bandung juga? Temen bapak tidak jadi, mari sama bapak saja, nanti tiketnya diatas.

Hooh....Asiikk..Minimal gw dapet tempat duduk, tidak terancam nangtung sampai Bandung!

Malah lebih baik, ketika di kereta, ternyata Bapak pensiunan aseli Bandung itu memberikan tiket itu dengan harga 50ribu saja....Eksekutif dengan harga bisnis! Gw hanya bisa senyum memikirkan keberuntungan setelah seharian merasa sue.

It's make my day. Alhamdulillah.....

Yah, begitulah. Sambil sedikit basa-basi, Kereta pun melaju....

Mata mulai berat....dan baju pink-ku mulai kering.....

*) image : comotan. not my work.

What d....Uh....

2005-05-15T22:12:00.000+07:00

I dunno
why...hmm
felt so tongue tied
even finger frozen

my mind so misguided

but then

Here I am

Brain Scattered....

please help me mend them altogether

*it's-not-even-an-artwork from my previous collage for Boule's cover