To get back in track and Swirl!
I know. Again. It's so dull late to make following kind of writing. 2010 resolution. Pffh. *Another?* I dunno even if I ever made one last year. I don't think so. Come to think of what I hadn't made any resolution post last year...In fact all along 2009, I had only several posts....Not that I'm lazy. Not that I had nothing to say. In fact last year 2009 was full of canon balls rushing in my head. So fast I hardly have time to think over and jot it down here before another come rush in. So there was it. I was tired just thinking about it. And nothing said.
In the mid of 2009 I posted something reflectional here. As I said in the post, 2008 was for me a blissful year, a year with tonza bless, and when everything seems so smooth like how I wanted it to be. Maybe I prayed to hard for all my wishes to come true--like a stubborn, while I didn't know whether those wishes were the best for me, but I was indeed hard on myself, and persistent! and of course God has always been giving, and there it was, all my wishes came true that very year.
Like bolts of lighting it came rushing into my first half of the year. I felt so blessed. Promotion, Lovelife, Scholarship, French excelling course, Going to Europe, Studying again. It was all dreams came true.
And when they say life is like a rolling tire :"you cannot be always on the top. sometime you'll be on the bottom"...I was precautious. Noting that I had felt blessed that year, I knew that the downfall will come soon or later. And it came after staggering downwards mood along december to february 09. And the sad part of the movie comes. All that I'd wished for and came true the other year, vanished. I had no moment to cry in despair. I could not let my tears blurs my vision that I needed at the utmost that moment. My brain was running crazy to grasp whatever I can hold to in order to breathe, survive and determine how this downfall might as well a good start for upward journey.
So I did everything I could, keeping my faith high as possible, making up my mind and sign myself back into track, as early as January 09. So that was actually the only thing that I had wished for in the early 2009. Nothing Else. To get back into the right track and hoping that this time--despite all things-- I have made my mind clear enough to discern my capacity and passion in life, and not again to stumble into wrong tunnel in life. As simple as that. Nothing grandious. But to realize later, that early 2009 was helluv-an important point in my life.
So that was it. Getting back into track was all 2009 was about. A year was really long time, eh? But along the side, I learnt things that I wouldn't have learnt otherwise. I had to choose in between tracks, and sometimes bewildered of the choices. I was noting insistently, that we can have thousand wishes, but He is the one who knows your need. Due to that I learned not to expect so much of myself, and not being so stubborn and smartass, and just enjoy life and embrace what it offers to the greatest extent. I learnt to forgive myself quickly when I made mistakes and make up. I focus on the things that were important, and learned hard way that my passion is my only guiding light. Where there's passion, there's the way to pursue. Without which I'm going nowhere. I would plan, but left some spaces at every moment to swing all sides. and I swing! And everything else would fall into place. Insya Allah.
Only at the very beginning of year 2010 I felt like I am indeed already back on track, and alhamdulillah on the track--I think--I'm meant to be. I feel dearly in passion in what I'm studying and that's probably the only force I'm needing to continue move on. I freely admit that I don't know how to do things right now. What I will do next 6 months and so forth. But I'm clinging on my passion--for that's all there is. And I know that this 2010 I want to live a rich, magnificent, inspiring, motivated, productive and passionate life. How? I don't know exactly but I'm planning (I know it's February already but you'd never cease planning, would you?)
I'll explore, and swirl--As I now know, life is not like a tire but it creates this spiral motion, once your up, and once your down, that's true, but you're never in the same point and you'll move faster and faster into the abyss of the spiral--or the pinnacle of the spiral--or life objective, you name it. And your spiral is not at all the same as mine. But maybe it's as exciting, depending how you put the pen and let it roll...
Well my couch-potato days to explore and plan is immensely reduced officially today as next monday i'll be back in class--but hopefully this little bit of fire sparks the upcoming months to its fullest speed. and maybe yours too!
GodSpeed! ^^
nb : Relating to what I have written back in 2006, here, I partly got the answer of my question that indeed, play with your strength and don't put some much time bothering to make up your weaknesses!
Labels: life, tahun baru, thought
